058 - Raising 6 Kids (Including Triplets!) with Mary Lindsey Blanton
- A special series: May is for Mamas -
Our guest today is Mary Lindsey Blanton (my sister!)
Resources from this episode:
Show Notes:
I have so been looking forward to having this guest on my podcast. Today is a conversation with my big sister, Mary Lindsey Blanton and I can't wait for you to listen to it. It was so good, so genuine, so heartfelt. Listen, if there is any person on this planet that should speak into the life and hearts of mamas, it is my sister.
She has five children with one on the way, including triplets. Yes, you heard that right. You can hear all about her story and the things that God has taught her in this episode today. Plus we're just so dumb together. We're just so goofy. I cried ugly tears. I laughed a lot. That's basically our relationship in a nutshell and we're just inviting you in to be part of it today.
I'm so excited for you to hear from Mary Lindsey Blanton, which feels weird to say because I call her Sissy. So, here's a conversation with me and Sissy.
Scroll up and hit play, or read it below.
Nancy: Sissy, thank you so much for being here.
Mary Lindsey: You are so welcome. I'm really happy to be here. This is my first podcast ever.
Nancy: Well, I'm so excited. I know we just laughed a lot right before hitting record because we just feel like, you know what, this is going to be what it is. We're sisters, we're super goofy and silly and we're going to be really transparent and we're going to just leave it pretty raw and unedited for you guys because I feel like that's just us and that's how this is going to go. So we'll probably get tickled and laugh and maybe cry. I don't know, but it's going to be great. I really wanted to have you on this podcast for the special month of May because we're doing this May is for mamas episode. And I can't think of anybody else who has taught me more about motherhood than you and our own mom.
But you have a lot of babies, you have lots of kids and have ... yeah. You've just been the person I have gone to with every single question. Practical or like grand and spiritual or like whatever it is and tears and laughing. Like we have just ... yeah. Having you as a big sister kind of going through the steps of motherhood before me has been the greatest gift. And your stories just, I mean, it has so much to it. It's like I think people listening are going to be like, "Oh wow. Oh wow." Like the whole time. So I want to give the opportunity for you to share your story and God's faithfulness throughout your story. So before we start, I just want you to tell a little bit about you, who you are, your family. Yeah. Just kind of introduce yourself.
Mary Lindsey: All right, well I'm Mary Lindsey, which is really weird to say to Nancy because she does not call me that. She calls me Sissy and I call her Minky and it's just been our nicknames for each other. So for her to call me Mary Lindsey and for me to call her Nancy is just weird.
Nancy: Yeah. And we're not going to do that. This first naming is just weird.
Mary Lindsey: But I am 38 years old. I'm married to Chris and we have been married for, we just celebrated our 16th anniversary about two weeks ago. And we have lots of babies. I'll tell you our story in just a little bit, but our oldest is Harper. She's 12. And then we have identical triplet boys. They are 10. And then we have Haven and Haven is our youngest for now and she is eight. And then we are expecting our sixth little bonus surprise baby in July.
And so we have about 8-10 weeks to go until this little one arrives. And then we have three babies in heaven, which I will kind of be able to share that. But that's a little bit about me. I have mainly been a stay at home mom for the last 12 years. But last year I did work full time at my kid's school and that was such ... well I guess this year, with this whole coronavirus it feels like it's been last year, but it's been this year. The start of the school year. So I have tried, I feel like a little bit of it all. But yeah, and I'm going to be entering back into stay at home mom world once this little one comes along.
Nancy Ray: And I was like, "We've got to get in a podcast episode before you go into newborn land, so-"
Mary Lindsey: Yes. So true.
Nancy: I know. Okay. So let's go back to the beginning of your journey as a mom. When did you and Chris feel like you were ready to start a family and what happened in the beginning before you had Harper?
Mary Lindsey: Well, I have always wanted to be a mom. I can remember some of my earliest memories were playing with babies and just wheeling my babies around. And so when we got married, we knew we wanted to wait a little bit, but I was like, "Chris, I'm leaving this in your hands as far as you leading us because the second you say that we're ready to be parents, I'm in." And so, I remember we had been married for about a year and a half and he came to me and said, "I really think that it's time for us to start trying." And so I was over the moon excited and started reading everything I could on like what you do to get pregnant. Just like if you've been there and you've been on a journey of trying to get pregnant, you know there's so many different things of taking your temperature to I mean, just there's an array of things you can do to try to figure this out.
And so I seriously became sucked into this world, this obsession of trying to figure it out. And each month that would go by, I would not be pregnant and I would be so devastated even just after trying for a few months. I knew it could take a while, but it was just so hard. And that season for us lasted almost right at two years and it probably was some of the darkest times of my life. I had so many of my friends getting pregnant. I think I had three friends during that time get pregnant with twins. And I can remember being so mad at God and which scared me at that time because I thought oh goodness if I'm mad at God then that's going to totally ruin my chances ever. I've got to be really good, but it just broke me in so many different ways.
And I got to a point where I did lay it down because it was so heavy to carry just that burden. And no, I didn't get pregnant right away after I laid it down. A lot of people say that. But I did, I can't remember the exact order of things, but I did go in for more testing and they said that I had polyps in my uterus. And so I had surgery to have those removed and then it still was just a waiting game for I think about three or four months, which they were still negative pregnancy tests and just waiting. But my heart had gotten to a place that was so free. I had been doing all these things trying to get pregnant and the Lord just really showed me in our time together in quietness and rest is where my salvation is.
And so I just stopped. I stopped trying, I started living life again. I started doing all the things that they say don't do. Like I remember taking, I had stopped taking hot bubble baths and I loved bubble baths and I was like, "I'm taking all the bubble baths I want." And yeah, just the Lord gave us a baby in May of 2007 was when I got that first pregnancy test and I was so elated. And that did turn into Harper. We moved to Tennessee in the middle of that pregnancy. We were living in Georgia at the time and it was just like this fresh brand new start of life. We had Harper in February of 2008 and our little Valentine's, well day before Valentine's baby. And life was just so good. I was so grateful and so happy.
And let's see, when Harper was nine months old, yes, nine months old, I remember going to church. It was at Christmas time and I was hearing like the Christmas carols and just burst into tears. It was like I'd heard them for the first time and I wept through the whole service. Chris was like, "We're singing hark the Herald angels sing and we've heard this one before." I was like, just thinking, I was like, "Oh my goodness, what if I'm pregnant?" And so after church I took Harper because my husband is in ministry and we went to the dollar store and I got a pregnancy test and took it and Chris wasn't going to be home until later that night. And I wrapped it up and put it under the tree and said, "Hey, I got you an early present." And he unwrapped it and it was a pregnancy test that was positive. And he was like, "Oh my gosh." He'd wanted our kids to be really close. At the time he just wanted us to have two and that just always makes me laugh.
Nancy: Oh my gosh. I did not know that. That's so hilarious.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. He only wanted two. And he was like, "Let's just wait and see. Let's have these two close together and then we'll just pray about it and we'll see. But I really think we only want two." Well, that pregnancy went on and let's see, that was in December that I found I was pregnant and I went to my first doctor's appointment in January and it was with a new doctor. And so I didn't think she was going to do an ultrasound. I thought she was just going to take my dates and everything like that. But because I had been nursing Harper, we just weren't sure really how far along I was. And so she was like, "Let's do just a quick ultrasound."
So she's scanning me and Harper was there too. Chris had Harper, she was 10 months old. And well the doctor was like, "Oh my gosh, it's your lucky day." And I was like, "What?" I said, "Are they twins? Is it twins?" She goes, "Oh no honey, I see three." And I was like "Three? Three heartbeats?" And I got so tickled, I could not stop laughing. I was laughing my head off.
Nancy: You just won the lottery after you had been trying for so long to have a baby. What did Chris do?
Mary Lindsey: Well, the funny thing is the night before, I had not been fitting in any of my clothes already and I was like I think nine weeks along, which in the second baby and they say you just show a lot faster. And I'm like, "But man, none of my pants fit." And Chris was like, I said, "Babe," I said, "What if we're having twins?" And he was like, "What if we're having triplets?" This was the night before we had our ultrasound. And I was like, "Babe-"
Nancy: I did not know that bit.
Mary Lindsey: You didn't know this story?
Nancy: No.
Mary Lindsey: This is the night before. And I said, "Babe, we're not having triplets. The only people that get triplets are those that do fertility treatments." And he was like, "I bet there's three in there." And I just started laughing and I was like, "You're crazy." Well, so after I started having my hysterical fit, after she said there's three, all he did, he looked at me, he says, "I told you so." And I was like, "What?"
Nancy: Stop. That is so funny.
Mary Lindsey: And so he goes, "I guess we're going to have to think of a lot more names." Because we literally had one name, Maverick. That was our one boy name that we had. And because that's what he wanted to name Harper if she was a boy. And so, we started that journey of having babies. Telling people was hilarious. Do you remember when I told you? Do you remember when I called you?
Nancy: Oh, very vividly, yes. I was driving in the car. I was in college in Boone and I almost wrecked the car. I have the visual of where I went from the highway and I was like, "Hey, how did it go?" And you just flat out said like, "Well we're having triplets." And I remember I got so hot, like it literally all comes back. I got so hot and I was like, "No, no, no." I mean I just lost it and I started crying. I had to pull over on the road because I could not even handle the fact that you were having triplets and I remember it so well.
Mary Lindsey: So Chris is a middle school minister and so he's a little bit of a prankster and mom didn't believe him. Mom thought he was trying to joke with her and she was driving too. And she was like, "No, stop. Tell me how it really went. No stop." And he was like, "Mom, we're really having triplets." And she was like, "What?" And so she pulled over. She said, "Hang on, hang on. I got to pull over."
Nancy: I feel like this is so fun to talk about because I feel like I thought I knew every detail of this story.
Mary Lindsey: I mean and you were in college and so you had your own life going as well.
Nancy: I used to think I've heard all these different reactions. It's so funny.
Mary Lindsey: So funny. Yeah I just remember calling so many people that day because we were like, "Look, we don't even care at what point we’re going to tell people" I think we were nine weeks at that point and we were just like, "We're just going to tell everybody." And it was really fun telling all the students that night. Chris, I don't know how he told them, but I just remember being there and they, like the whole room was just an uproar when we told them we were having triplets. But that pregnancy, while they really warned us, we had so many warnings, hard warnings of “These babies may not make it. One may make it, none of them may make it.” I just remember that night after finding out there were triplets, I just was worrying myself to death because on the internet basically I think people just get on the internet a lot of times to—at least they did at that time, this was 2008, 2009—to just tell other dramatic stories. People don't get online just to tell their basic stories.
Nancy: Like normal, healthy stories.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. And so it was just like every ... so I had convinced myself that either they were going to die or we all were going to die that night. And I can remember just throwing up from the anxiety that hit me.
I think the next day we just were like, "We have got to lay these babies in the Lord's hands. They are not from us, they are from God. And whatever he wants to do, however he wants to tell their story is just for us to be a conduit for Him to share." And so, that's what we did. And I’m not saying that that was easy, but I think just that laying down helped so much. I had an incredible pregnancy with them. I was not on bed rest. I was enormous, but I never made it on bed rest.
I delivered them at 35 weeks on the day and walked into the delivery room and they were all over five pounds and five one, five seven and five 12. We have Warner, Cruise and Maverick and they are such miracle boys. And they were in the room with me I think about four or five hours after I had them. They just kept them to observe them and they were like, "They don't need any NICU time." And I was like, "What?" I was like, "I was ready for them to go to the NICU."
Nancy: Well, they prepared you. Yeah, they prepared you like plan on them going to the NICU.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah, oh, so prepared. We're going to NICU. 100%.
Nancy: You were like, "Hang on a second. I got to take care of all of these on my own?"
Mary Lindsey: Yes. Yes. Wait a minute. And then we had Harper at home who was 17 months old.
Nancy: Bless.
“It was a pretty chaotic and fun, crazy time taking care of triplets.”
Mary Lindsey: So yeah, we had four under two and yeah, life was very crazy and very full and very busy. When they were around 18 months old I'm sure probably people were like, "What is it with newborns?" It's insane. It's just so much schedule, keeping track of poopy diapers, bottles. I did breastfeed them for a few weeks. That was a really hard moment for me in motherhood was giving that up, which sounds ridiculous. But when you have hormones pumping through you and you think breast feeding them is the only thing that you can do to keep them healthy and alive, it just was a really, really hard decision.
But it was one of those I feel like pinnacle moments of me laying down my plans and trusting them into the Lord again. And those three little boys have been so incredibly healthy. Formula is not bad. Sometimes I wonder, I'm like, "Goodness, they have had so much health." And yeah, but I would make I think up to 28 bottles every night for them to be fed the next day. And it would dwindle down as they grew. But yeah, it was a pretty chaotic and fun, crazy time taking care of triplets.
Nancy: I have memories of visiting you. And I remember taking a night shift one time when I visited in your old townhouse.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah, I remember that.
Nancy Ray: Staying up with all three of them. And I think it was because two people had to take a shift?
Mary Lindsey: Yeah two people had to feed.
Nancy: Right. Especially when they're so little, you need to keep track of each one. And I think I fed them each like four ounces and they had these ... I mean, they were so tiny, like little five pound babies. And I just remember being so in love but also like, look, now that I'm a mom looking back, I'm like, "I have so much more respect and honor." And oh my goodness. I can't believe you did that.
Mary Lindsey: Me either.
Nancy: And I think a lot of people listening are probably thinking the same thing. And you look back. Yeah. You tell me all the time, you're like, "I don't know how I did that.”
Mary Lindsey: It was just grace for the moment. The Lord gives you what you need in that moment. And I just remember looking back at that being some of the most calm and peaceful times in our life, even though it was crazy, but I think I just had this perspective of just what an incredible blessing that this is to experience this. And yeah, it was just, it was a miracle. And so yeah, they were I think 18 months old when I felt that I was pregnant again and that was kind of a shock because we weren't planning on having ... Oh here's an interesting story. We weren't going to ... I was getting my tubes tied because I was having a C-section. And the hospital that I was delivering at was a Catholic hospital and they don't do any permanent forms of birth control.
And so that wasn't an option at this hospital because I was like, "Yeah, sign me up. I'm having triplets. I'm not going to go through this again." And that was not an option. And so I remember, I mean, I was very pregnant with the boys and I was driving home and Chris saying, "I'm wondering if God wants us to have more babies after this." And I'm thinking like, well, not anytime soon.
Nancy: You were pregnant with triplets. Not the time, Chris, not the time.
Mary Lindsey: Yes. But I remember us just being like, "Okay, our hands are open to what you want Lord." And we had a miscarriage when the boys were about 18 months old, pretty early on. But that really just opened our hearts up to really desiring another baby for our family. I think if my kids, if the boys had been fraternal, I don't think we would have been quite as on board with it because apparently having identical children, identical babies, does not lend itself for you to have repeat multiples. Having fraternal, you can have ... your chances of having multiples again are like, I forget like 40 or 60%, something like that. So we knew that having multiples again was probably going to be very rare for us.
Nancy: It's so interesting. Also the likelihood is like, the actual statistics are that you're more likely to win the lottery than you are to have an actual identical triplet pregnancy.
Mary Lindsey: I can't tell you how many people have told us that we need to play the lottery, but-
Nancy: Totally. Because the odds are in your favor clearly. But it's just wild. The percentage of moms who have natural, identical triplet babies are so small.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. Our doctor had never seen it.
Nancy: Never?
Mary Lindsey: Never. Our doctor had never seen identical triplets before. And so she was like, "I don't even know the odds of that." But yeah, so we had this miscarriage that was December of 2010 and that just really, I think made us want another one. And so I healed from that miscarriage and then we started trying again. And I think I got pregnant pretty quickly after we decided that we want another one. And that was, this is baby Haven. And so we had her, it was just like kind of a redemptive story with her is we had her on December 15th and then I came home from hospital December 17th I believe. And anyway, December 17th of 2010 was when we had had a D&C for that miscarriage. And so it was kind of this full circle redemption of just having Haven. And that was a hard season for sure because when we had the boys, we had so much incredible help from our church. We had people coming out to feed the boys and help me. I mean, I think I had help for a year.
Nancy: You never paid for diapers either, right?
Mary Lindsey: Never. We didn't buy them until they were 14 months old.
Nancy: This is when your church just like rallied around you.
Mary Lindsey: Our church rallied around us so much. And yeah, it was incredible to see the provision. And just these people loving these boys and loving our family. We also, this is an incredible tip for you moms to file away one day. But I think one of the biggest blessings we had is we had an older lady in the church, all her kids were grown, but she did our laundry for months. Chris would literally take our dirty laundry and leave it on her front porch when he would go to work. She would do our laundry because I couldn't bend over to get into the washing machine. My belly was so big. And she would do our laundry and then he would drive by and pick it up off of her porch. We didn't see her. She didn't receive thanks every single day. She just offered that service to us as a ministry and-
Nancy: That's beautiful.
Mary Lindsey: Like just, I will never forget that. And I will offer that to moms one day when my kids are older and I'm not doing like five loads a day. But what a gift that was to me and just somebody taking that chore off of my list. So yeah, it was really sweet.
Nancy: I love that and I feel like it's really the practical ways that you need help like that. And she clearly was a mom because she knew that was a need for you. She knew that that was a way that she could serve. And it's not like you don't have to go over to someone's house to be a blessing to them. You can just offer what you have, what you're able to do. That's so cool.
Okay. So after Haven, the story continues. And I think this is the part for me that gets really heart wrenching, but also so, so sweet because of God's faithfulness. And even until where you are right now. But yeah, just continue.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. So I was so grateful for a little Haven. I savored every moment of her babyhood, toddler hood because I knew it was going to be our last and I just loved being a mama. But it was also really hard because I had five babies. When Haven was born, Harper had not even turned four yet. And so we had five under four and just having boys, toddlers, oh, it's just hard and there weren't as many people to help. And so I definitely had some struggles with postpartum depression through that and some really dark times and did take some medicine for a while that helped a lot. But then coming off the medicine, just fighting through some of that and cleaning to the Lord, he taught me so, so much.
This is also the time that I feel like I was maturing and understanding more of my identity of I was in him. And just kind of getting my feet a little bit more level on separating out who I was from being a mom. Because I think it's so easy for us when we have little children for our identities to become so wrapped up in them that we ... you don't lose yourself, but you just get kind of confused and tired, really tired. So investing in yourself is really hard. I remember I started running during this time and it just helped me process so much. But let's see, Haven was about three and I was actually about to go to a Sally Clarkson conference.
She has been such a mentor of mine, love her so much. And I was headed to Colorado with a friend to go to one of her conferences. And I was at Target with Haven and I was like, "Oh my gosh, my period's going to start." And so I was like, "I'm going to go grab some stuff to take with me." And then as I was wheeling Haven over in the cart to that lady supply aisle, I was like, "My period should have already started like five days ago." And I cannot even tell you, I felt like all the blood rushing off my head and I was like, "I'm going to pass out. I'm pregnant." I just knew in that moment. And so I grabbed a pregnancy test and threw it in the cart and I couldn't even think of the rest of my list of what I needed.
And I literally just took ... I felt like I was just was in this daze. I have never been so stunned, even more stunned than having triplets honestly. And I drove straight home. I took Haven out of the car, I left all the groceries in the car and went upstairs and took the test. And sure enough, it was positive. It was like the fastest changing pregnancy test ever. And I was like, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." And it was such a difference of reading that pregnancy test versus reading all my other ones because this one was not in my plans. And I cried. I was so upset. I was so overwhelmed.
We had just literally, I think we were in the process of potty training Haven or something like that. And I felt like I was on the brink of freedom. And then I was headed right back to babyhood and that was the hardest thing. I don't even know how to put it into words how shocked I was. I called Chris and he was in a meeting and so he didn't pick up. I called him like five times and he was like, "Babe, are you okay?" I was like, "Yes. I'm okay." I was like, "I'm pregnant," weeping on the phone. And he was like, "Oh, that's good." He was like, "That's not bad."
Nancy: Chris, so sweet.
Mary Lindsey: And I was like, "What?" I was like, "I feel like I'm just so trapped." And anyway, he was like, "Okay." He was like, "Calm down." He was like, "This is good. Children are a blessing and a reward and a heritage from the Lord." He was like, "It's okay." So to make a very, very long story short, the Lord really helped me process and see that this is a good thing. I was pretty sick when we told our kids, I think I was around about 10 weeks. I'd had my ultrasound and we told our kids and then their joy really carried us along. We were all so excited and just ready to welcome this baby.
And what was really sweet is that Nancy, you were pregnant with Milly at the time. And so we got to share a season of being pregnant together. I remember us going to the beach and taking some maternity photos of our bellies together and our bellies touching and just how sweet that was. Well, I think I was about 22 weeks pregnant when I went to the doctor and for our ultrasound, our halfway, midway through ultrasound and they didn't see a heartbeat. They said, "Your baby's passed away and we actually think your baby's been passed away for about six to seven weeks." And just like, it was just like living in a weird dream. And I was just so confused. I was really scared. I was like, "Well, how are we going to get the baby out?"
Nancy: Yeah. Because you didn't start bleeding. You had no signs of a miscarriage.
Mary Lindsey: I had no signs of miscarriage, none. And yeah, and the one thing I did is I didn't feel the baby move. I had not felt the baby move at all. And so I was a little concerned, but at the time my midwife was like, "Hey, listen, you have had five children. Your uterus can be really stretched out. You could have an anterior placenta." There were so many different reasons why. And we had delayed our appointment because of going to the beach. And so we were like, "Okay, well we'll see." And she's like, "There's just so many reasons why you may not feel the baby move." But when I went in, it was just a shock. But yet I knew, I don't know. It just was like, the Lord had prepared my heart in some ways, but yet there's no way to fully prepare for that. So I remember crying of course a lot, and we were going to be scheduled for an induction and we're kind of like on the wait list.
And anyway, I just didn't have a peace about delivering this baby as an induction. I don't know what it was. I just didn't have a peace. And the midwife called me and said, "We're trying to schedule your time to get induced." But she said, "But I'm not so sure I have a peace about you having an induction." And I was like, "Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that." I'm like, "Me either." And she was like, "I really am thinking that you need surgery because since the baby has been passed away for so long, we don't know what we're going to be dealing with." So I was like, "Okay." She says, "Let me talk to the OB here and I'll call you back." So I ended up being scheduled for surgery. The surgery went perfectly. They said it could not have gone more perfect. The doctor was very kind and very, like even just guarding of my emotions. You were actually due, Minky, like I think a week after we had lost the baby.
Nancy: Yeah. I remember. Yeah, it was really close.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah, it was really close to that and I remember telling him, I'm trying to get permission to go get on a plane to go see you. And he was just so tender with me and just said, "Right now is your time to heal. I want you to wait a couple of weeks before you go." And I just remember him being so tender with me and had the surgery, he told Chris it was textbook. I lost very minimal blood. Everything was fine. Well, on the way home after everything was done, I started to hemorrhage and hemorrhaged so profusely we had to call an ambulance to come get me. I've never seen Chris so scared. I was so scared. It just was very, very traumatic. Blood was just pouring from my body and that's the only way that I can describe it.
Of course in the moment I just had so much panic and fear, but there literally, Chris called 911 and literally an ambulance was at the stoplight right beside the church parking lot we had pulled into. So there were just so many provisions like that that just the Lord gave us. I remember getting into the ambulance and I kept just saying the name of Jesus over and over and over again. And-
Nancy: Didn't you ask the doctor too right before you left like, "What would happen if I started bleeding? What should I do?" Didn't you ask him that?
Mary Lindsey: I think yes, I did. And we actually even called another nurse, a friend-
Nancy: I feel like I remember you telling me that. Yeah.
Mary Lindsey: We called a friend who, she also was like, I said, "I feel like I'm starting to bleed." And she was like, "I want you to turn around and go drive straight back to the hospital." So we were getting off an exit and it was actually our church at the time. And I was like, "Well, maybe if I just go into the bathroom, change just everything and go to the bathroom, it'll resolve." Well, that was when I stood up and it was just like everything started pouring out of me. And went, got in the ambulance just kept saying like, Jesus, the name of Jesus. And I had peace that was like no other flood over me. I know they didn't give me any medication at the time because they didn't know what was going on with me.
And there was just this incredible, incredible peace. And I can remember them taking me, it was almost like just the scene from a movie, because they take me out of the ambulance. They're like, I forget how old I was at the time. I think I was 33. Yeah, I was 33. And they were like, "33 year old Caucasian woman. Just had a ..." It was all these like facts about me, but that they were telling each other, like all the paramedics and it just was so surreal. But in that moment, I would close my eyes and it was like, I don't know how describe it other than just like, I don't know if I was that close to death or if I was just the Lord had given me these spiritual eyes to see. But there were angels, huge warrior type angels all around me.
And they were at the head of my bed and all around my, the little gurney thing that I was on and I felt so safe. And I remember telling one of the nurses, there was a sweetest, older nurse and she was cleaning me up and calling me sweetie and she was like, "I'm going to get you some warm washcloths and we're going to just take care of you." And she was wiping down my legs. And I just looked at her and I just said, "Thank you for taking care of me so much." And I'm going to start crying because she just was so tender and I told her, I said, "I have this peace that I wish everybody could feel right now," because it was so tangible and it was the closest that I ever felt to the presence of Jesus. And I wasn't worried.
You think as a mom, you're going to be worried about your children if something happens to you. And it was like, I knew Jesus was taking care of my children. I wasn't worried at all. I knew he was with Chris. I knew we had gotten separated because Chris had to drive our car to the hospital. And I knew that everybody was going to be okay. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. I honestly didn't know if I was going to die or not. I was kind of almost just in this limbo state. But the glimpse that I got of the love and the peace of who Jesus is and his presence was tangible. It was so incredible. And at times when I get scared or when I fear or I wonder what the future's going to hold, I look back to that moment and I say, "This is why he says, 'Do not fear. Do not be afraid. Do not worry.'"
It's because he's so real and we just get so lost in the details of life and the things that we need to do. But Jesus is so, so real. And so I ended up being diagnosed with something called DIC. It's a very long word, but basically it's when your body stops clotting. And so they told me if I had driven home to try to lay down, which was our plan originally, that I would have died. So like I said, I don't know actually how close I was to death. I know I had to have four bags of the stuff that makes your blood clot. And I had to stay in the hospital about a little over 24 hours and then they released me. I was severely anemic at that point because of all the blood I had lost and of course a grieving mama too to this baby.
And so I went home to kind of begin this healing process that was so tender and so hard all at the same time. There were so many questions of why. Why did you let me go through this? Why did you let my children go through this? Of course, they didn't know the drastic part of almost losing their mama, but why was just my question. And he didn't have an answer for me right then and there, but he held me tenderly through that time. He carried me and I remember he gave me the song that Chris Tomlin sings, but the verse, the Lord has promised good to me, his word, my hope is secure. Can't think of the words right now. He will my shield, I don’t know the words. Got all emotional-
Nancy: Laugh crying over here.
Mary Lindsey: Laugh crying. I can't even think of the words anyway. It's a really good song. But he gave me that song.
Nancy: We'll find the song. We'll find it and we'll leave a link in the show notes. They can listen to it themselves.
Mary Lindsey: And anyway, he gave me that song and I just would cling to that and I would cling to his scripture about him being faithful of that I knew that he was good even when our life circumstances say that they try to say otherwise, that he's still good. His word, my hope's secure. And I just continued on that. My body had a really long way to go to heal and we being to pray and just see like, are we supposed to have more children? I mean that was a very traumatic thing to go through, but we really weren't sure. And so about a year after that we began to really just say, "Okay, let's just see. Let's see if God has any more children for us." And it was about, I don't know the timeline because it wasn't nearly as like ... I feel like we are trying as much we were like the very first time before we had all of our children, but we weren't preventing either.
And so I didn't get pregnant for, I think it was about two years and I went to a doctor and they did some tests and this doctor just said, "As crazy as this sounds, you have five children, but I think that you're infertile now. I think that there's something with that your womb is just now closed." And as hard as that was to hear, I was like, "Okay." It was kind of this finality of just like, alright. But yet my heart did always long. I would go through different seasons of saying, "Chris, I just want another baby. I don't know why. I just long for this other baby." And he's like, "Well, let's just keep leaving it in God's hands."
And so this past summer, I think it was in June, my period was late again and I was like, "What in the world?" Out of nowhere, it had been four years since that loss. And I took a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it was positive. I was like, "Oh my word." So we went to a doctor. Anyway, that pregnancy did not make it. It was a very early miscarriage. And I did have to have another D&C with that one. My body just doesn't like to let go of babies that I've lost. And I had another D&C and Chris and I have just been like, "It's in the Lord's hands, whatever happens." But I also started this new job being at my kid's school and man, being a working mama is a whole new ball game. It's very, very hard. Just so much of your time is limited. You have to be incredibly efficient at planning, at doing things.
And it didn't even help to have older kids for sure because they can help, they can make their lunches, but still it's just this orchestrated chaos that nothing was ever complete. Like laundry was never complete. Grocery shopping was never complete. It just was like just this constant. But yet we were happy and we were content and it was just lots of fun to kind of just be living life as this family on the go. But I got really sick. We don't know if it was the coronavirus or not, before all the diagnosis, but it was in November. And pretty much had all the symptoms that they say is for coronavirus, but whatever. It was some respiratory-
Nancy: Both of us think we both had the coronavirus. We share our war stories, but we're like, "If only we had a test, I bet we did have it"
Mary Lindsey: That we did have it. I tell you what. I mean, I wheezed for like seven weeks after that thing.
Nancy: I remember. And then I got it after you. And then I told my story and you were like, "This is the exact same thing I had." People who are listening to this are going to be like, "You people are crazy."
Mary Lindsey: Anyway, we survived. We made it through.
Nancy: We'll take the antibody test, we'll be fine. We'll prove to everyone we got it.
“When He becomes the one that begins to fulfill all the desires of your heart, then it's like the stage is set for him to do above and beyond what you could ask or imagine.”
Mary Lindsey: We'll prove that we got it. But what was crazy was so during that time of being sick, my period was supposed to start and it never started. And I was like, "Okay." I'm like, I didn't get my hopes up there because I was sick. And so I was like, "Maybe it's because I'm sick, maybe that just threw it off." But I did take a test anyway and it was positive and I was like, "Oh my gosh." Which then just sends you into all this craziness because I was so sick right at the beginning. And I was super guarded, but everything with this pregnancy has just been amazing. And still the baby's measuring actually even ahead of schedule. I don't have small children. But everything is looking great. And we're on track to deliver late June, early July-ish and maybe even late July. We don't know. We've got a big window here to work with.
But definitely have seen God's hand in this with him giving us another little one. I know there's one thing that I have definitely wanted to say in all of this is that I do not believe, and I do not like the term rainbow baby because I don't think that another child is ever meant to fill another child's space, if that makes sense. So the baby that we lost, we named him Asa and that means healer. And that sweet baby brought us through so much depth of digging into some past hurts and some just things that really ... I mean, it really did heal our hearts in a lot of way of going through that deep, deep grief. But we weren't trying to have another baby to fill the place of the loss of him because that was his role to play.
And if you look at what the promise of a rainbow actually is, the promise of a rainbow, the sign of a rainbow is that God's not going to ever leave you. He's not going to. He is faithful to his word. And it's God's presence that is his promise to us. Not necessarily saying that it's going to be another child that fulfills, that's going to prove his faithfulness. And so if there's another mama that's out there longing for a baby and wanting another baby, I understand that 100%. But I would really encourage you to shift your focus to the Lord. And it's not a quick and easy focus shift. It's one that can take a long time. But when he becomes the one that begins to fulfill all the desires of your heart, then it's like the stage is set for him to do above and beyond what you could ask or imagine and him showing you how he's going to fulfill just who he is in your life.
And because of that baby, if you call it a rainbow baby, that baby is still going to cry. It's not going to be perfect. It's still going to keep you up in the middle of the night. It's going to exhaust you and get you sick at times and make you lose sleep. And motherhood is a hard journey. It's a hard, hard road of self sacrifice. And so another baby's not going to fulfill the longing in your heart. Only Jesus can do that. And so, I think that that's one thing that I just really wanted to share was that God can give us so many children. Each one is a blessing, but none is going to be our completer. Only he can do that.
Nancy: I remember you kind of processing this with me when you had your last miscarriage and you were like, "I don't know that we're going to have another baby." And the hard thing and a trend I'm seeing in your story is when you have a miscarriage or a loss, it really does open up your heart to another baby in a weird way. And I can't speak to that because thank the Lord I've never walked through a miscarriage before. But I've seen that before and I've seen that in you. But I remember you telling me like God is teaching me that even if our family is completed and the last child that we conceive is lost and we don't get pregnant again, we don't have another baby that that is okay. And because my hope is in Jesus. It's not in a fulfilled pregnancy or in a baby. And I think that's a really heart wrenching thing to learn.
And it's also like, I think when I see women saying like, "Here's our rainbow baby. I've had my rainbow baby." I don't think they're necessarily saying like, "Oh this baby replaced the last one or this baby replaced ..." I don't think they're necessarily saying that when they say that because it is almost like a fulfilled promise is I think what they're trying to say. But I like the depth and the way that you're challenging that because it kind of pushes back on that a little bit to say like, yeah, but where is your real hope? Where is really the thing that you're after because this baby, while it's beautiful and it is a fulfilled promise, this baby will break you down like all other babies do. Right? And it ultimately will leave you wanting in some way because that's just how it is.
Everything in life leaves us wanting. Our husbands leave us wanting, our children leave wanting because we were made to be filled by our creator. We are made to be filled up by the Lord. And I think it's just a really good perspective of someone who has walked the road, had miscarriages, had loss, had tons of babies. You've gone through just about almost every circumstance and you can still speak to that and say, "Don't put your hope in a baby. Don't put your hope in calling it a rainbow baby." It's like, well, you might want to just think about that. And I really love that perspective. Yeah. So I feel like there's so many things that just by hearing your story of motherhood, even just for me as your sister, I know the story, I've walked it with you, I've seen you go through every single one of these circumstances. But hearing it all together has reminded me of so many things.
And I think the word that just comes out at me is just your story is “miraculous." I mean it is supernatural. It's literally like heaven meeting earth and what man says impossible, God says is possible. Because you struggle with infertility for two and a half years and then you're able to get pregnant. And then you had the craziest thing happen to you when your daughter was nine months old, you get pregnant naturally with identical triplets and then you lose a baby. Then you have another baby, then you're deemed infertile. No, then you have Asa. Yeah, you get pregnant with Asa and you lose Asa. Then you're deemed infertile and then you go on to get pregnant again lose the baby and the baby and then you get pregnant this last time and this baby is healthy and is going to be born in like a few short weeks, like 10 weeks, eight weeks. I don't know how many weeks. But I'm just looking like when I summarize it all and as someone's listening to this for their first time is like what?
I literally was just ugly crying, weeping when you were telling me that part of you being in the ambulance with God's presence around you because I'm 33 and I am the same age that you were when you walked through that. I also remember being at the pool, getting the phone call from mom in a panic saying pray for Mary Lindsey, pray for her, pray for her. I don't know if she's going to be okay. And that was a voicemail. I didn't even know it was happening. And we just stopped at the pool and prayed and I was so scared and I didn't know. But just looking at it all, your story just shouts at the world and hopefully is shouting to the heart of a mom right now that the impossible is possible with God and he is the only one who can write your story and do the impossible and show off like that.
But he also not only shows off in these big miraculous ways and giving you these precious babies, but he walks you through the darkest, toughest times of your life when you feel like you are literally on the brink of death or when you're being rung out and you don't know who you are because you're taking care of five kids under four. I think I have it rough with three kids under four and I'm like, "Oh my word." Every time I just like Sissy teach me all your ways. But literally it's just ... Yeah, it's just going back to the fact that God has really written your story and it's really wild and he's there in the highest highs and he's there and the lowest lows. And that picture of the angels and his presence and that peace that you talked about is something I think that anyone who listens to the story, they're not going to forget that. It is so profound and beautiful.
Mary Lindsey: It's been neat because, when I had the triplets, I had, we say it was like right before the ... It was like the dawn of the social media right when I had the triplets.
Nancy: So interesting. The timing. Yeah.
Mary Lindsey: It was 2009. And so I remember I got my first iPhone when Haven I think was like four months old, maybe two months old, something like that. So really, I started my Instagram journey and stuff was with her. But I did have a blog for my boys, and it chronicled like all their presents. Not their presents. Their coming to be, my pregnancy, their birth. And I had kind of created this little bit of platform to continue on in. And I know you have walked through this struggle with me really trying to figure out how I was supposed to share my story because God has been so faithful and he's the one that I want to glorify, not me. It's Him.
And so I want to tell any other woman, he can do this for you too. I've messed up, I have not done things perfectly. He hasn't chosen me to do this because ... he's chosen me just to ... he's done this in my life and he can do this for you too is like what I want to look at every woman in the eye and say like, he can do the impossible in your life too. Look to him, believe him, set your heart on him. But he called me to not go that route. He called me to not blog and I'll occasionally post on Instagram. And like I said, this is my first podcast that I've ever recorded before. And I thank you for letting me share my story because really it's Him that I want to get the glory in all of this and I just want women to know that he is safe and that he is good and to seek him with all their heart.
Open up your Bible to read, just begin to read. And you will see his faithfulness, talk to him all throughout the day. He's there listening and he will talk back to you. So through his word and through worship songs and he is faithful. And so I just, I praise him for the work that he's done in my life. Absolutely.
Nancy: I was going to have you share some encouraging words and check, you did. You just did that. We're done. I was like any final thoughts? And well that was basically the best thing that you could have said. So thanks for that. Because truly, and that's one thing that I admire so much in you and have loved and have really talked with you a lot about is social media is hard with moms and we didn't really plan on talking about this. But I like that it came up because one thing I love about you is you're just like, "Hey, deleted ..." You'll leave me a voice text or something. Hey deleted Instagram and Facebook again, going stay off of it for a few months. And I'm like, "Man, that's so refreshing." But I think it's good for other moms to hear that if you need to do that, you do that.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. 100%.
Nancy: I think it comes down to the assignment that God's given you in your life and if He is saying quiet that noise, quiet that noise. And for me that's a rhythm I've kind of taken to in the last year is just taking one week off of social media a month. And that's been super life-giving. But I'm also like, I think I might do like a month and I have a friend that's doing like a year. And I just think it's important to acknowledge that it's a thing and it's a thing that shouldn't just be put to the side and ignored. It's a thing that you might need to let go of, and that's okay because the most important thing is making sure that you are walking with the Lord. Like you said, that you're listening to him. And if that thing is detracting from being able to do that well just because it's extra noise, then it's okay to just let it go.
Mary Lindsey: Yes, and I think too, being a mom of young kids, and I know we just talked about this like in your own life is you can feel isolated at times. And it's just hard to have mom conversations or conversations with friends. But this is such a short time in your life of you feeling this way. It's not the rest of your motherhood. One thing that really helped me was when I pulled off of being online, I've done different things. I think my longest stint was like 10 months of being off of all social media. And yeah, right now I'm currently off of it, for who knows how long. It just was too much. And I just needed a little bit of just head space to hear from the Lord and to prepare for this baby.
And I just want to encourage you that it's not like you've lost your voice or your platform, look locally to how you can still have a voice, look into your church. How can you give back to your community? How can you love right where you are, your neighbors, your children. One thing that social media does as we all know is it's just a, it's a fun numbing tool to just escape, but it can easily take away from us looking into the eyes of our children and really seeing them. So when you step off of it and you don't have that crutch in your life, and I would say just delete it from your phone if you want to try it. But it's hard for about the first week. It's weird because you don't have that default.
Nancy: Yeah, totally.
Mary Lindsey: But it really allows you to say, "Okay, well I do have things to give. It just may not be in that track." It just may not be ... that may not be where I need to be. Now other people are called to that. And so you have had lots of different things unfold and work that way. And so you are called to be on social media. You can't, I mean you could get off for like a month or you could get off for like a year or whatever, but that's also where the Lord has given you at some part of a platform. And it could be for a season, but I just had to pull off of it myself and I want to tell other moms too. It's a good thing. It can be really good and it can be really refreshing.
But also not to like ... I don't know, like champion that other moms that are on social media as well and say, "Hey, that's awesome for you." It's not just a one size fits all kind of thing—it’s individual. You’ve got to see where your heart is and everything and yeah, just the margin that you have.
Nancy: I'm going to read the book Digital Minimalism later this year and I'm really excited about that because the author of it talks a lot about living life in a way that it just really pulls back all the digital noise and you can really live a real life. And I mean, he's not on social media at all. And he's an author and you think, how can you be an author and not be on social media? He's like, "Well, you just do it. You just write a book when you don't do social media." And so I'm excited to read that. But I do agree, it's not one size fits all. But I think that it's worth analyzing and searching your heart about because if there is a tension or a discontent and you're not feeling like you're being the best mom or the best wife or the best person because of this, then it's worth removing. I heard something recently in a sermon I was listening to and the pastor asked the question, "What stirs your affection for the Lord? What are things in your life that stir your affection for the Lord?"
Because a lot of times the things in our life that don't stir our affection of the Lord are amoral. They're not wrong or simple or bad to do. They're just not good or bad. They're just there, but they're not really helping you or spurring you on with the Lord. So I just love that question because yeah, I feel like it's like what are the things that really make you the best mom? And I feel like you and I, we could talk for probably three more hours, so we need to probably wrap it up, because it's been around an hour.
But I'm so, so thankful just for your transparency and for reliving the story of God's faithfulness to you and our family again, because it really is miraculous and your story was impossible, but God made it possible. And he is the one, I think anyone listening can hear it and say, "Yep, that was God. That was totally God being in every detail of it." So I have just a couple of questions to kind of close out the episode.
I'm sure people are wondering about how you're feeling about having another baby and starting newborn life. Your youngest is eight, isn't Haven eight?
Mary Lindsey: Haven's eight. Yes.
Nancy: So how do you feel? We're going to just call you Joanna Gaines?
Mary Lindsey: Joanna Gaines. I'm really excited. In some ways I feel like this is my first time again. I can even remember texting you in the beginning saying, "Is this normal?" And you're like, "You've had so many pregnancies. What do you mean?" I'm like, "I know but I forget."
Nancy: But you forget. You totally forget. I know and it's been a while. Yeah.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. But then in some ways there's just this calm and this peace of just, I don't know. Okay, okay. I've done this before and it's going to be okay. We are doing something new this time. We're doing a home birth, or at least we're aiming for a home birth. I'm not setting it up like it's my end all be all. But in more ways than one, we've had the Lord confirmed this to us over and over and this was even before all the craziness with the coronavirus started.
Nancy: Yeah, right before it.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. And so that's going to be new for sure, but we're also really excited and the kids are really excited. Our hands are definitely open with just everything, I feel like with life in general, but we're excited to transition into this season of welcoming a new baby into our home. And yeah, it's just taking each day at a time and trying to set myself up for success and all my little helpers and explaining things to them. But yeah, we're excited.
Nancy: So sweet. You're also going to have a small army of kids to help you and I think Harper and Haven are not going to want to give that baby to you. You're going to be like, "Okay, it's my turn to hold the baby."
Mary Lindsey: My turn. I gotta feed it.
Nancy: So great.
Mary Lindsey: And then like today for lunch, I've been trying to do little practice lunches so the kids can get used to it, they pretty much have breakfast down, but we're working on lunches now. And so today Warner helped make hot dogs and I sat on the couch.
Nancy: So they can feed themselves. That's amazing.
Mary Lindsey: I sat on the couch and I was like, gave them instructions on what to do and I was like, "Okay, take this pot and you fill it up and you turn on the stove, put hot dogs and let it boil." But it was so fun and they totally fixed lunch all by themselves. It was amazing. I sat on the couch and just gave instructions.
Nancy: That's amazing. I'm nowhere close to that. So that gives me a lot of hope.
Mary Lindsey: But you will be. One day they'll be making their own lunches.
Nancy: I know. I know. So fun. Okay. Three fun questions to end. What is a book that you're loving?
Mary Lindsey: I am loving and I actually wanted to reference it several times talking, is Emily Ley's latest book? Less Is More. Is that the name of it? I don't have it in front of me.
Nancy: Yup. When Less Becomes More. It's so good. It's so good.
“Putting your eyes up, feeling the cool air of the morning on your face and living life for what it was meant to be.”
Mary Lindsey: It is so good. And just, even when we're talking about being off Instagram, I love just the image of this woman living an analog life of really what fills you up. It's waking up in the morning and getting your cup of coffee and not looking at your phone but looking around you. Putting your eyes up, feeling the cool air of the morning on your face and living life for what it was meant to be. And I just love that. Yeah, so that's one of the books I'm loving right now.
Nancy: What about a product that you're loving? It can be anything.
Mary Lindsey: Oh man, so pregnancy related, but I did not know this with any of my other pregnancies. I have had terrible heartburn and most of the time you're like, "Tums, take tums. Tums, tums, tums." Well, tums were not even touching it. And so I have been taking, I started off with papaya enzymes, which they kind of stopped working a little bit, but I've been taking it's called HCL, which is like the same kind of stuff your stomach produces, like hydrochloric acid and I take one tablet if I'm having a spicy meal or meals with tomatoes or something that I know is going to give me heartburn and it completely makes my heartburn disappear completely. I wish you had had this with Beaufort.
Nancy: What? I had the worst heartburn. I wish I had had this too.
Mary Lindsey: Yeah. And I can even take it in the middle of the night. I can take it on an empty stomach as well. It does better with food, but it is amazing and I feel like a lot of pregnant moms don't know about it. Of course, check with your doctor. I'm not a doctor, but it is magical and I just got it off Amazon. HCL with pepsin and betaine is what mine says.
Nancy: Okay, you're going to send me the link. Text me the link and then I'll put that link in the show notes so they get exactly what you're taking.
Mary Lindsey: But I'm telling you it's magical.
Nancy: I am really jealous of you. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little angry that I didn't have that because my heartburn was terrible.
Mary Lindsey: It was fierce. I know it was awful.
Nancy: Okay. How do you maintain a healthy soul and a fulfilling life being a mom of all the kids, I'm like, how many kids do you have? I'm like, oh, yeah 5 with one on the way.
“Worship music for me is an incredible way for me just to recenter my heart and my focus on the Lord, knowing that He's in control.”
Mary Lindsey: I think it's different for each season. I've learned a lot through each season. Of course, staying anchored in the Lord. I do love trying to start off the mornings with time in the Word, but that doesn't always happen being a mom. And so I think worship music for me is an incredible way for me just to recenter my heart and my focus on the Lord, knowing that he's in control. When I can study the Bible, I love to do that. And then just getting outside and being in nature, just looking up, even though most of my own nature walks are on my neighborhood sidewalk, not in the woods. But just seeing birds, seeing God's faithfulness to the birds I feel like is something that always encourages my heart.
Nancy: I love that. Thank you. I'm so happy. You did a great job. Your first podcast. Thank you so, so much seriously.
Mary Lindsey: It's kind of long.
Nancy: That's okay. It was worth it because we can't miss any of those details. It was all really important. So thank you so much. I truly mean it.
Mary Lindsey: You're welcome.
Nancy: I know anyone who's listening is going to be so grateful to have heard God's faithfulness in your story and to just feel like it's a little injection of faith. Like just to say, keep going. God is not done writing my story. He's with me in the mountain peaks and he's with me in the valleys. He's never leaving me and He can do the impossible.
Mary Lindsey: Absolutely.
Nancy: Thank you much for joining us. I'm so grateful.
Mary Lindsey: You are so welcome. Thank you for having me. It was super fun and I'm really glad.
Nancy: I'm going to close with words from Sally Clarkson:
“The fundamental mission of motherhood now is the same as it's always been: to nurture, protect, and instruct children to create a home environment that enables them to learn and grow, to help them develop a heart for God and his purposes and to send them out into the world prepared to live both fully and meaningfully.”
More Episodes
I am so excited to replay this episode with Emily Ley. If you’ve listened before or you haven’t, this episode is so good. I think that what I love most about her is how much she values the little things—the moments in between—and finding that kind of balance between work and play and what that looks like.