060 - Caring for Yourself When You Have Small Kids with Robin Long
- A special series: May is for Mamas -
Our guest today is Robin Long:
Robin is passionate about helping women transform their relationship with exercise and healthy living by choosing "grace over guilt" and finding a balance that feels like FREEDOM.
Outside of The Balanced Life, she can be found chasing her 6-year-old daughter, 4-year-old son, and 16-month-old twins (yes, it’s as crazy as it sounds!), sneaking in 10-minute workouts during the kids’ bath time, and spending time as much time is possible at the beach.
Resources from this episode:
Show Notes:
Today we are continuing with our series, May is for Mamas where I release two podcasts episodes a week throughout the month of May to help us in our journey of motherhood. Today I spoke with my friend Robin Long and she is the founder and CEO of The Balanced Life, which is an online Pilates community where she provides workouts and resources for busy women like you and me who really struggle to find time to exercise and really want to love our bodies again and feel comfortable in our bodies and might be looking for an exercise plan that will actually work for the long haul.
And we talk about so many good things in this episode. We talk about how to do it when we feel like we literally have zero time for ourselves with kids, how to actually sit down and get our mats out and do a Pilates exercise or get out the door and go for a run and what that looks like, what self care actually looks like. That self care isn't a joke, that it's real. We also talk about anxiety and how living in this strange season and our world and being cooped up inside really can produce some anxiety but also how moving our bodies is a very practical tool and answer to that underlying anxiety that we might be feeling.
I really enjoyed my time with Robin, she brings such a beautiful perspective to body image and to movement and really just the gift that it is to be able to exercise.
Robin and The Balanced Life are offering a FREE 5-day Pilates Strength & Stress Relief Challenge, and this is the perfect way to dip your feet into the Pilates world if it’s new to you, or to kick-start this part of your life once more!
So I hope that you enjoy this conversation with Robin as much as I did. Click play above to listen, or keep scrolling to read it.
Nancy Ray: Robin, I am so grateful that you are here. Thank you. And welcome to the Work & Play podcast.
Robin Long: Thank you. I am honored to be here.
Nancy: I want to start out just by you telling us about you and your family, where you live, your work. Just kind of give us the rundown of who Robin is.
Robin: Sure. So I live in Santa Barbara, California and I am a mom to four, which still I'm adjusting to even saying that. I never pictured myself as a mom to four. So I have a six year old girl, a four year old boy, and then boy, girl twins who will be two in July. So they're just past that one and a half wild mark. They used to be very wild. So I have them, I'm married to my husband, Matt. Well, actually celebrating 11 years in just a few days.
I am a Pilates instructor, but I took my teaching online about nine or 10 years ago actually and have been providing online Pilates workouts and guidance and healthy resources to live a more balanced life. And really, when I say balanced life, what I mean is more of a balanced approach to health, wellness, exercise and just trying to take care of ourselves in the midst of very full lives. So I spend my days juggling all of that, being a mom and trying to be as present as I can in the midst of everything. And also running a business, growing my team and serving our members.
Nancy: That is awesome. I feel like I just want to give you a hug because it's so much. I know we all deal with juggling and balancing all of that motherhood and work. And just to hear you say that is really encouraging because you have just such a special call in your life, in your work that you do. It's really important and good. But then you also have this incredible family at home that is full. I mean, those are four kids that are young.
And so you are busy, I know, but it's just so encouraging to hear. So what I want to talk about, obviously this episode is really dedicated to our mamas and we'll get into that. But before we talk about kind of how we take care of our bodies and take care of ourselves while raising little kids, tell me about your journey. What did that look like for you to get to where you are right now in The Balanced Life? Like beginning of your fitness journey, all the way to where you are now.
Robin: I'd love to share about that and I'll try to keep it quick for you. My first career, I kind of went into real estate. So I was in commercial real estate working for a developer and definitely not in my sweet spot. It was a great company, a great guy that I was working for, but I was definitely not in a place of feeling like my gifts were being used. And I also in that season was very stressed out because I didn't feel good in my work and because I didn't feel like I had a lot to contribute and I was also engaged at the time.
So during that season I started experiencing anxiety like I had never experienced before. Like clinical anxiety, paralyzing anxiety, and it was really disruptive to my life how I felt each day, my work life, my relationships. And so during that time I was kind of desperate for anything that would make me feel better. A lot of my anxiety I mean it was typical, I was stuck in my head looping, very worried, very scared a lot of the time, but it was also very connected to my body.
“During that time, I went to a Pilates class and had connected to my body in a way that I hadn't in a very long time and immediately felt the tension and the stress starting to leave my body in a way that I hadn't felt in years.”
I was having some health concerns that doctors were not able to pinpoint. And so I was going to doctor after doctor and they were telling me I was fine, but I didn't feel fine. And that makes anxiety even worse, right? Because you're like, "No, something's really wrong." But then everyone's telling you nothing's wrong and you're just being anxious. And all that to say it was a very stressful time. So that is when I kind of fell back in love with Pilates.
So during that time I went to a Pilates class and I had connected to my body in a way that I hadn't in a very long time and I felt immediately the tension and the stress starting to leave my body in a way that I hadn't felt in years. So that was a real pivot. I still remember the exact class and the exact place that I was. That was a really pivotal moment for me. And from that point on, I just continued pouring myself into my own Pilates journey and that's what sparked the shift for me to go into actually teaching Pilates.
So from that point, I actually made the decision, I did my training while I was working my other jobs so I did it kind of on nights and weekends. And then decided I wanted to pursue it and took the leap of faith and quit my other job to start teaching. So for anyone who's listening, who has done that, quit a more traditional job to start their own business, you know that it's just a lot of hustling. It's a lot of, I was like, "Okay, where can I teach?"
I was knocking on doors, calling health clubs, I called the college that I went to and asked if I could teach a class there. And they took a chance on me and that was my first teaching opportunity was a physical education class for kids in college. And it just started from there and I just said, "Okay, I'm going to set a goal for myself to try to replace my income." That was my first goal. And it took me about two years of working my booty off, running around from gym to studio to company that was having a corporate wellness class during lunch. I mean, I was all over the place.
So I did that for a number of years, loved teaching. But also quickly realized that I was going to burn out, going those 12 hour days, running all around town. My husband was in grad school, so I was kind of the working one and he was in school. So I quickly realized I love this, but man, I'm burning out fast. And I also knew that I wanted to have kids someday and I thought the amount of money I'm making right now just to be frank, if I wanted to cut back on my hours so I could be with my kids more, I wasn't seeing how that would line up.
There was a quick ceiling when you're being kind of paid by the hour and you have to be there physically and you have to commute. So it was around that time that I started thinking, how can I create something that takes this passion of mine and passions that I'm actually not even using, which I can talk about a little bit more later maybe and serve people differently. So that's when I started teaching online.
And so it has been just a constant development since then of me combining in person and online and blogging. And I can dive into any portion that you want me to, but just kind of year after year of creating first my online program that three people joined and reiterating it over the years until now we have a membership community called The Balanced Life Sisterhood. And so now I spend all of my time focused on that and I am actually not doing any in-person teaching at the moment.
I plan to go back to it when my kids are not so small and in the home every minute. But that's kind of the big picture snapshot of how I've got there. And I would just add one more thing that when I was teaching in gyms and studios, I didn't feel like I fit in there. I don't have a traditional fitness approach. I'm actually not a fitness junkie, I'm not a workout lover necessarily. I'm not drinking protein shakes and spending time in the gym. That's actually not me at all.
And so part of when I was teaching is why I started blogging was to kind of have an outlet to share what I was experiencing and why I was approaching fitness and what I was doing with my clients that was different than the traditional personal trainer or thing that you might find in the gym. So I'll leave it at that for you Nancy and then you can let me know if there's any other parts of that you want me to expand on.
Nancy: No I love that Robin. And I have been part of The Balanced Life Sisterhood and have learned from you firsthand. And I think my favorite thing about you and your whole approach and your team is that you have this gentleness and kindness with the workouts. You're saying, I think the fitness world is like, "Go all in, go so hard, do the thing." And sometimes we need that, right? Sometimes we need that talking to and that tough love.
But I think for the long haul, if you want this thing to stick and you want it to be part of your life, you have to have someone talk to you like a friend and someone who will challenge you and push you, but also be really kind to you and say, "You know what? If you're a mom, it's okay." It's okay to go take a nap. It's okay to go skip a workout if you're not feeling well or I don't know, I just really appreciate that because you keep it very real.
I like that you're not the protein drinking guru that we've seen online all the time. It's just refreshing. So I think because you make me feel like I'm normal and that this is actually doable in my life, which I really appreciate. So just from a business perspective I'm so interested to hear when you mentioned, there are gifts that you weren't using that you really wanted to be using more of, were those business gifts or ways that you wanted to teach? What were you referencing when you were talking about that?
Robin: I don't think at the time I would have known I had business gifts. But I was teaching hour by hour and so I was saying one thing over and over focused on one area. And I just felt like I have so much more that I am passionate about. And part of that, what came out of my teaching was I love Pilates, I love helping people build strength and get in shape. But what I'm really noticing with my clients and what I am doing is focusing how I'm making them feel.
And whether that was just checking in with them at the beginning of every session and giving them a chance to talk about how they're feeling physically and mentally. And I think that came out of my experience with anxiety and just feeling really alone in that and knowing that everyone is dealing with stuff. When everyone would show up for their private appointment, they're coming in with a whole host of worries and stressors that they're keeping in their body.
And what they wanted from the session was to feel good, not just build six pack abs, right? And not just tone their legs. I mean, that's great and we want to get in shape when we're paying for exercise classes and spending time exercising. But really I was discovering what people wanted to feel was good and supported and proud of themselves. And they wanted to leave their session feeling like they did something good for themselves and renewed and refreshed. And it really didn't have to do with their body.
I mean it did in the sense of moving your body helps you feel that way, but not in the size, the shape why most people think they're going to the gym. So I really focused on that with my clients. And even my classes I was in a very popular spot in a very high end club and my classes were filling up with three month, four month, six month wait lists. And I don't say that to brag, but to just point to the fact that when you touch on what people are really looking for and what they really need, it was amazing.
People were like, "What are you doing?" And I'm like, I was noticing people, I was sending them encouraging emails when I saw that they had progressed in an area. I was sending them handwritten notes to let them know I was thinking about them when their father-in-law passed away or whatever it might be. And that's what people cared about. And that's what I loved the most. So some of those things, realizing it's not really about just the fitness for me, it's about the journey that I can take people on and support them on.
And so that's when I started blogging. And I was on Twitter and that was kind of new at the time. And just trying to find an outlet to share more of my approach and share more of what I wanted people to experience and to share that more balanced approach to health and wellness. Like you said, to give them that new perspective that you don't have to be a hardcore fitness junkie to be a healthy person and you don't have to kill yourself in the gym at every workout to be in good shape and to be taking care of yourself. And so that's where I feel like I needed an outlet and wanted to have more of an impact. And that's why I took it kind of online with blogging and social media and things like that.
Nancy: I love that. I feel like in my own experience when I have gone extended amounts of time without working out, whether that's going for a run outside or doing Pilates or even doing weights in the gym or whatever it is, there's this underlying anxiety, like you said, that starts to kind of build and I'm not even aware of it. And then I start to move my body and there have been times where I have been stretching or going for a run in my neighborhood or doing Pilates or yoga and I feel so connected to the Lord in those moments, which is pretty amazing to me. And my anxiety, like you said, starts to dissipate.
And I just want to talk a little bit and have you speak to that link between our minds and our bodies and anxiety that we can feel in moving our bodies and what that does for us. Because we're living in this really weird time in our world right now where we've been social distancing, we've been very isolated, a lot of our gyms are closed. And I think that can really start to surface in our lives with anxiety and worry and fear.
So how do we take the simple act of moving our bodies? How can that benefit us in this really weird time in our world and in our lives? And even when this whole thing passes away, and passes away, that sounds weird. But when this whole thing is behind us, right? And we're back to life as normal and we feel that anxiety kind of coming again, how can we just take a simple step and it's realistic for us to kind of overcome that anxiety and just move our bodies? I know you know a lot more about this than I do, but what is the importance of that link between our mind and our body?
Robin: There's so many directions I could go because it's so important. And I think that one of the first things that I love to do is to just remind people that it does matter. There is a connection there. I was the type of person that didn't really believe that necessarily. I just saw exercise as primarily for my physical health. I knew that I got the positive endorphins, but it didn't really matter to me.
It wasn't until I realized that a lot of my stress was actually manifesting in physical ways. Like the reason my shoulder and neck hurt so bad is actually stress-related and there's actual physical manifestations and you actually can get sick from stress, physical sick from stress. Your immune system goes down, it can lead to disease. There are these real proven connections there. So that for me was just a learning experience and something that I'm like, "Okay those are absolutely connected."
You think they're separate your stress levels and then how much you're exercising. Because again, a lot of times people just compartmentalize: exercise is for toning my legs, helping me lose weight. And they kind of forget that it's all combined. Your mental and physical wellbeing are one.
Whether you're feeling good mentally affects how you're feeling physically, and the other way around as well. So that is just something that I've learned a lot about over the years. But to get really practical, there's something about taking that time. And for me it's Pilates but it's also walks. And for some people it's sweating really hard or going for a hard run. There are different avenues for it. But taking that time is going to shift your state.
So there's an actual physiological response that happens in the body. So when you're feeling anxious, when you're feeling stressed, there are things happening in your body, right? Different hormones rate as different hormone levels. Your cortisol is higher, different things are happening in your brain, your muscles are tensing up, your digestion slows down. So when you are stressed or anxious, there are things happening in your body that you don't even notice.
But when you get down on your mat and do Pilates or you go for a walk or you do a run or whatever it might be, you create an actual physiological change in your body as well. So you actually shift the hormones, you shift your breathing, you start to breathe differently, you breathe deeper. You start to oxygenate your blood, which increases your circulation, which goes to your brain, which helps you to calm your thoughts. So for me, when I was really struggling with anxiety, it's a really helpless feeling sometimes, right?
If you're really dealing with anxiety, you feel helpless. Like, I can't stop this. I'm stuck in this and I can't stop my thoughts. And to me that was just always an awful feeling. So when I learned that, "Okay, maybe I don't even have to stop my thoughts yet, that feels too far off, but I can get on my mat for 10 minutes and just follow this video or do this little series and breathe and ground myself, connect in my body," and actually a change happens in my brain and in my body that then helps me to be able to calm my mind a little bit more.
“Even 10 minutes can shift your whole state of being.”
That was a huge shift for me. And I think that's something I want people to know is that it's a tool that does the work for you in a lot of ways, right? Like getting the benefits of exercise and it doesn't have to be big. Even 10 minutes can shift your whole state of being. And so it's a tool in your toolbox that just does it for you. You get the hormone boost, you get the change of breathing, state of mind and it can be just so life-giving to have that tool in your toolbox.
Nancy: I think that's so helpful to remember that we don't have to get our minds right or get everything in order to go work out or do the thing. That's actually the tool. We just need to start doing it. We just need to stop the crazy, just start doing the exercise, whether it's Pilates or going for a walk or whatever. And then the thoughts and the calmness, it'll kind of follow that. That's so good.
So I'm going to get very honest with you Robin. Y0u know that I have three kids, they're ages four, two and one and I feel like there's been this movement online recently that's all about self care. I feel like so many people are posting about self care and that's good, I'm all for it and I believe in self care and I'm trying to do it, but if I'm honest, there are days with these small kids, I will open Instagram or see something posted about self care and I will get almost angry because I'm like, "That seems like a joke!"
It seems like a joke when you have three small kids and they are so needy and they need me every second. And I try to do things for self care and I'm interrupted again and again, 15 times in a day. My husband's working all day and it's literally from 7:00 AM until 7:00 PM. It's just me being mom meeting everyone else's needs. I mean, I forget to pee, I forget to eat, right? And I don't want to do those things, I want to take care of myself. But some days I just feel so run ragged.
And so I mean, you have twins that are little, you have kids, there's four kids, six and under, that's a lot. And you still do this. And so I, just as a friend and as someone who I know knows so much more about this and could just speak some encouragement to me and any other mom listening who might feel like, hey, some days self care is a joke, how do we wrestle with that and still prioritize self care when we feel like it's literally impossible. What should I do on those days? What would you do on those days that you just feel so wrung out and defeated and just tired?
Robin: I can so relate. So, friend-to-friend, I can so relate. It's been interesting for me being in the position that I'm in as kind of a leader in this space and someone who's encouraging other women in this area to be working through it in my own way, right? The first year of twins was insane.
Nancy: I'm sure. I can imagine.
Robin: Well, you really can imagine probably, because you basically have twins. I'm going to tell a super fast story. It paints a picture of what I've struggled with as well.
Nancy: Do it.
Robin: So a mentor in my life, he's male, he doesn't have kids, he is single, but he is a great business mentor that I’ve had over the last few years. So when I was pregnant with twins, he made a comment to me that was innocent and genuine and kind and he was the youngest of four kids and he said, "Just make sure that you give your kids the attention they need, because I didn't feel that,” he was like “Four kids—just make sure.”
And of course as a mom who's nervous about going from two to four kids, I internalized that. And I'm like, "I don't want my kids to ever feel that way." I just internalized that little comment. So fast forward a year, by that time I had the twins, I think there were about three months old and I was away at my first business event since having the twins. So they were three months old, it took everything that I had to leave the house for six hours and I was pumping and doing all these things.
And he talked to me then and said, "You need to be taking care of yourself. You need to be putting yourself first. You need to do that for your family." And I broke down in tears because I'm like, "But you also just told me I need to make sure that my kids feel like they're getting my attention. And I feel like I can't give them all the attention that they need and take care of myself. So what am I supposed to do?" It was a moment where I just broke down because there were these competing priorities.
Yes, I know I need to take care of myself if I want to be good for my business, my team, myself, my family. But I have these four children that every minute of the day I feel like I can't give enough to each of them. Constantly someone is needing something that I can't give them. Probably many of you listening can relate to that feeling. How in the world can I take time away from where I already feel like I'm falling short to take care of myself?
So, it has not been easy and I absolutely have not figured that out. But I can tell you one thing, he told me to take an hour a day and challenged me to that and let me tell you that did. not. work. With little kids, an hour a day is a luxury. And I have childcare that helps me so I can work. And so I was trying to use those work hours to get it and then I'm falling behind on work and I'm working at night and I was like, "This is ridiculous. I'm going back to what I know and what I teach. And that is every little bit counts, even if it's just 10 minutes. That's what I'm going to do."
And so I think sometimes we think it has to be an hour. We think it has to be 45 minutes. We even think it has to be a half hour or we think it has to look like alone time, I don't know at the spa, wouldn't that be nice? But the reality is is that it's these little tiny things. That's what I've had to rely on. And so at the Sisterhood in The Balanced Life, many of our workouts are 10 to 15 minutes. And that's kind of our approach, literally 10 minutes a day.
And if you can do more, great! If the kids happen to nap longer that day and you didn't have a long list of things you needed to get done, (does that ever happen?) great! And so what I have done over the past year and a half—and there have been seasons of not doing this well, I just want to be fully transparent in that, seasons where it's been weeks since I've done anything for myself—is that I've committed to 15 minutes a day. And I do that literally in my bathroom before the kids wake up.
I roll out my mat in my bathroom. Sometimes I do it in silence, sometimes I put on worship music. I set my timer. But if I wasn't a Pilates instructor, I'd watch a quick video. And that's what I do. And that is enough for me right now. And then I think of other ways, I fill up my water bottle for the day and I keep that with me, that's another form of self care that I think sometimes we think, "I just should be drinking water." No, but that's a way you're caring for yourself. It doesn't have to be flashy.
Right now in this season when we're recording this, we're all home bound. Getting out for a walk if I can, or even just getting out front with the kids, whether they'll ride their scooters and run around, I consider that self care. Does that mean that they're not needing me and it's relaxing? No, but I know that fresh air is good for me. I know that vitamin D is good for me and it does help shift my state.
I know that water is good for me. And I know that my 15 minutes of movement in the morning and if I don't get it in the morning, I do it right after I get them all in bed. That's my approach right now. And I got to tell you that it has been so life giving for me because it's attainable and it doesn't look fancy and yet I feel like I can get to the end of the day and feel like, "I did those three things, sunshine, water, 15 minutes of movement."
“I think I've equated self care to time away from the kids.”
Nancy: I love that. And also I'm thinking, one thing I've wrestled with recently, I think I've equated self care as time away from the kids. Like I can only do self care if someone's watching the kids. And then I would run into the same thing that you did. If our babysitter was watching them all so that I could work, I never took that time to do Pilates or go for a run. I would always just work because I needed every single moment to devote to my work because that's one thing I definitely can't do with the kids around.
So I'm trying to flip the script in my head and think self care can happen when the kids are at my feet. Even doing Pilates for 10 minutes while I'm in the playroom and just saying, "Come on kids, do it with me. Follow mommy and do this." If I can't get up early in the morning and do it, then that's still acceptable. That's still a way to incorporate some sort of movement into my own life.
Sometimes it's stressful and maybe we'll make it five minutes into the video and someone will get hurt and then we're done. And that's going be it, it's going to be five minutes that day. But just thinking what are some ways that I can just reframe my thought process behind that phrase self care and do things like drinking water and going outside with the kids. All of that is incorporating it into what's good for me during the day as well as the kids, which is super helpful.
I just so appreciate your honesty in that approach. Because some days, I'll be honest, I get almost cynical. I told my husband the other day, I was like, "Babe, I see these women who don't have kids yet or maybe who have one kid and they get to post things about their quiet times or their exercise regime." And I'm like, "That right now feels like a total joke." But I really need to not get cynical about it and not get angry about it. Which some days I do, if I'm honest Robin, I can get mad about it because I feel like that's just not my life right now.
But I just need to reframe my whole mindset and not let that even feed into my anxiety of all the things I can't do. But just say, let's just only focus on what I can and stop looking outside of the house. Because I had those beautiful seasons before where I could take an hour to do a quiet time and I could take another hour to exercise. And right now in my life I can't but just to say, but I can do something. Instead of just throwing everything out saying, “It's different right now in this season, but I still can do something” and just embracing that.
Robin: Absolutely. And it is frustrating. I mean, I've been right there with you. It is frustrating and I'm the same. I still cannot get to using my childcare hours to take care of myself. I need every minute to work. And I know you can relate to that too. It's amazing what a mom can get done when she sits at her laptop when she has four hours of childcare.
Nancy: For real.
Robin: And it's like I cannot spare to drive to a class, go to a class for an hour and drive home. I mean, that's half my childcare time. No way. And so I've struggled with it. I just want to share it with you in that, I seriously have struggled with that because I believe in the importance of that, but also I'm not able to pull it off. So that is exactly the approach that I've taken and this is what we talk a lot about at The Balanced Life, is letting go of that “all or nothing” mentality. And that looks different for everyone in different seasons.
And I can so relate to how you're feeling because there's just no way I can do what I see other people doing. And I think sometimes it's hard for people to understand that. I even shared on my own podcast The Balanced Life is all about these 10, 15 minute workouts that are realistic you can do from home. And I shared that with someone who was a guest on my podcast and she kind of laughed at me. She's like, "That's it? 15 minutes?"
Nancy: That's it?
Robin: And I'm like, "Yeah, that's what I do." And I just want to encourage anyone who's listening too, really truly this is what I teach women to do is to do this short approach. And I want to encourage you that the first thing I always hear is, “Is that really worth it? Is that really going to do anything for me?” And so I just want to challenge everyone who's listening to try it because you will be amazed that little bits do add up.
“10 or 15 minutes can shift the way your body feels, which affects the next decision you make.”
And like we've talked about earlier in this conversation, the shift in your state of being and your state of mind doesn't have to take an hour, 10 or 15 minutes can shift the way your body feels, which affects the next decision you make, which is maybe to have more water or to have that cupcake that's on the counter. Not that there's anything wrong with cupcakes, but you know what I mean? Just kind of that healthy pattern that follows versus just an exhausted, depleted pattern that can follow.
And also consistency is what matters more than intensity, right? So it's more important to do something consistently, even if that's 10 minutes or an attempt at 10 minutes while your kids climb all over you than it is to do a really awesome hardcore, sweaty workout you did once a week and then you kind of fizzle off or you did it once and then you did it twice and then it's too overwhelming and you don't fit it in until you try it again two months later, right? So that consistency of little bits adds up and there is a physical benefit that you can see. So I just want to encourage everyone who might be doubting that to just try it.
Nancy: I think one thing that I've really wanted to embrace in my role as a mom is to be a mom that shows our kids what it looks like to take care of yourself. And I think consistency is huge in that. You have to be consistent, you have to let your kids in on that. Let them watch you make certain choices or watch you exercise. Because like they say, more is caught than taught.
And I think the way that we model behavior, like taking care of ourselves or taking 10 minutes in the afternoon, whether they're napping or even if they're awake and just saying, "This is important. Mommy has to take care of her body. You can do this with me. You need to take care of your body." And just living that lifestyle is going to be something that they watch.
And years and years down the road, they're going to say, "This is important for me too because mom did this." So that's one thing that I've been kind of thinking on. I want that to be part of my legacy as a mom and training them is just to show them by example what it looks like to do that even for 10 minutes a day. Because that consistency will stick in their minds.
Robin: Right. They're not saying, "Did mom get dressed in workout clothes and go across town to the gym and have a hardcore workout?"
Nancy: Right.
Robin: No, they're going to get the same lesson from you doing it on the playroom floor with them, and showing them that I am working my body. In fact, they might even get more of that because they can see you and they can be in it with you versus leaving the house and they don't really know what you're doing. They're with the babysitter or they're gone.
Nancy: Exactly.
Robin: So it's not easy to do it at home all the time. We all know that. But like you said, sometimes a 10 minute workout takes me 20 with all the stops and pauses. But still they see it and that is so important. And also I just want to encourage everyone, I'm pretty passionate about this, Nancy, you might know that, but also pay attention, I just said this in Instagram, to who you're inviting into your home. And I mean that from a fitness perspective.
I'm really passionate about body positivity and raising kids to hopefully dodge some of the messages that I received as a kid growing up. Not from my parents but from magazines and the fitness industry about working out to look a certain way or that it's all just about getting bikini ready or burning off last night's dinner, any of those messages. I always just want to encourage people to pay attention to what you're playing in your home. If you are doing videos or DVDs, does anyone do DVDs anymore? I just got a request to make a DVD. I was like, "Probably not going to make a DVD but I do have a YouTube channel."
Nancy: That's amazing.
Robin: Because our kids are listening. And so I just want to pop that in here to the conversation to make sure that whoever you are following to lead your workouts is someone that you would want to have your kids following too.
Nancy: That's so good. Such an important message.
I have a practical question for you. This is totally a selfish question that I just really want to hear what you have to say about because I have, like I said, three small kids. I'm still breastfeeding my youngest and we've been breastfeeding for 15 months. I'm so incredibly grateful. Here's what it has looked like for me over the last 15 months. I ate whatever I wanted after he was born. I was like, "season of feasting, I'm burning off the calories."
And then I wanted to lose weight. So then I cut a bunch of carbs and then I felt my supply drop. So then I just brought back in the carbs and I feel like it was this rollercoaster a little bit. And I haven't totally been able to find that healthy eating sweet spot with breastfeeding. I've cut a bunch of extra sugar. So I know this is a total pivot and totally, I don't know, I'm going a different direction.
But I just want your thoughts because you breastfed your twins. I know that, I saw that on Instagram and I was like major high five through the microphone to you for that. But I also just wanted to ask, practically speaking for mamas who are breastfeeding, how do we eat well and fuel ourselves while we're also feeding another human, while not just totally going off the deep end like I tended to do. I was like, "Extra calories are fine. I'm breastfeeding," and not use it as an excuse to eat as many brownies and cookies that I want.
Robin: I know. This is a hard question, right? This is hard. But I can obviously relate. I have breastfed all four kids, I'm still breastfeeding my twins. Can you believe that?
Nancy: That's amazing.
Robin: Fairly. Knox is kind of over it and Avery is still really into it, but just at bedtime. So anyways, I kind of can't believe that. But so I've been on the same journey the last year and a half and I've done it with all four kids. So this is the route I've taken and I just want to encourage everyone who's listening. There's no one way, there's no one size fits all. I can just share my experience and then also where I have a little bit of expertise. Because I love the breastfeeding season, right? And especially you're burning so many calories, you're so hungry and it's just like you said, it's a season of feasting. And I feel like that's such a great thing because as a breastfeeding mom, you're just exhausted and tired and you want to eat and you're hungry.
Nancy: Totally.
Robin: So I love that the body works with us in that. But I also, like many people, I experienced way, way more, especially in those first three months, way more sugar, quick carb cravings. Like muffins and bagels and cereal. That is just what my body craves. So in those early days for me, those three to six months, I just kind of let my body, I do not even worry about that.
So kind of like you have Nancy, I just listened to my body and I'm like, this is not a time for rules. I have never been the type of person that's like, "Baby's here, time to start losing the weight." And in fact, I would just encourage everyone to not focus on weight loss within those first three, six months. I give myself almost a full year every time. And I want to encourage everyone, and I'd just say I've lost all the baby weight four times.
And that's not a brag, but just hopefully an encouragement to know that you can take a balanced approach that doesn't require dieting and doesn't make you start thinking about that when you should just be resting and adjusting to life and not stressing about the calories or the food that you're putting in your body in those early days. So I just want to encourage everyone in that. But that being said, there does come that point, that shift, right? Where you're like, "Okay, I'm actually not feeling my best." I felt like I was just living off of sugary things.
Nancy: Right.
Robin: And I could see that and feel that and I'm like, "Now it's time to make that shift." So we all hit that at different points, whether it's six months, seven months, whatever. But once you start to notice, "Okay, time to fuel my body better," that's when I really try to go back to, well I have recipes and things like that within The Balanced Life Sisterhood that I know are all really anti-inflammatory, lower on the sugar end.
So when I say anti-inflammatory, that means lower in sugar, gluten and dairy, three things that tend to be inflammatory for people and also tend to cause weight gain, right? If we're talking about that for most people, those three things are kind of triggers in that area. So I try to go back to that way of eating. So I'm blessed that I have the resources given that we have a nutritionist that works with The Balanced Life and creates healthy recipes for our community every month.
So I go back to that, but I think an important thing to consider is ‘Are there little shifts you can make?’ You don't have to go from eating all the things to cutting out all carbs or going keto or paleo or following the strict diet that requires a bunch of rules. Can you just shift your breakfast? If you were eating muffins from Starbucks with your sugary latte every morning, can we just shift that to choose the protein box instead? Or can we just start eating breakfast at home instead?
Just start with one simple thing and do that for a while and see how you feel. And maybe then it's like, "Okay, maybe my snacks now." I'm going to stop eating whatever I'm having every afternoon at 3:00 o'clock too. The Skittles or whatever it might be. And so I just want to encourage you to take that little shift, one meal at a time, one snack at a time and also just continue to give yourself grace. Because there's no such thing as being good or bad or off or on when it comes to eating a healthy diet.
Nancy: Going back to what you said about listening to your body, because I don't know if this was the same way for you Robin, but every pregnancy was different, every child was different. I breastfed every one of my kids too, but one was 19 months. One, I barely made it to 11 months because I was pregnant. I got pregnant pretty quickly after I had her, she was eight months old. I got pregnant, my milk supply just tanked. And then this one, 15 months, still breastfeeding him.
So I had to listen to my body. And I will go like so hard and cut out all the sugar like you said. And I'll diet and I'm like, "I want to feel better." But then my milk supply would drop. And so I have to bring in some more oatmeal in the mornings or do different things and it's just taking it a baby at a time and a breastfeeding journey at a time and then listening to your body throughout the journey and just making one little change. I totally agree with that and just love hearing your perspective on that.
Robin: And that makes me think too, that I didn't mention that's really important is I would never focus on cutting calories when you're breastfeeding. Never. I have never cut calories. I always say eat, and I am not a nutritionist, just so everyone knows. But I do work closely with nutritionists and have been in this world for a long time. But I never recommend that women cut calories. What I do recommend is focusing on what you're eating, right?
So like I said, we have these healthy recipes and they're simple and delicious. But I always say eat as much as you need of those things. Don't cut your calories because you're going to notice that in your milk supply. I'm an abundance eater, so I would prefer to have a big plate, especially when I'm breastfeeding. A big plate of a salad with veggies and hard boiled egg or whatever. Huge to feel satisfied versus having like, I can have pizza, but it's going to be a small slice.
Nancy: Right.
Robin: That's just not my style. I want to eat a lot when I'm breastfeeding. And so I think-
Nancy: I want to eat a lot all the time even when I'm not breastfeeding.
Robin: Me too. That's so true for me too.
Nancy: Because when you're breastfeeding it's like double portion. Like I just finished my plate, I'm still kind of hungry.
Robin: So I think the more you can focus on those nutritious foods and filling your plate with those and listening to your body versus trying to cut back and reduce the amount of food you're eating or what you're eating, I think it's easier mentally and on your body.
Nancy: So good. Well thank you for taking the time to answer my breastfeeding questions because I feel like that is part of this journey as a mom in the little years, especially for some of us. And I know not everybody breastfeeds and that's totally fine, but for me it's been a struggle, this back and forth. And so I just really appreciate your insight on that and your insight in this whole talk.
I feel like I've just had coffee with a friend and we've just gotten to catch up and it's so good to hear your honesty and your passion in this Robin. It just comes through, I'm so, so grateful for you.
So, one more question and then I have a handful of speed round questions that are just whatever come to your mind. But the last question I want to ask is why is it important for us? And I think we all know the answer, but what I want to hear you say it, why is it important for us as moms to not neglect ourselves in this season that feels so demanding?
“If we neglect our needs and we neglect the way we feel and the way we're taking care of ourselves, everything in our life is going to suffer.”
Robin: So many reasons. First and foremost, I would just say that if we neglect our needs and we neglect the way we feel and the way we're taking care of ourself, everything in our life is going to suffer. So not only how we feel, right? Sometimes we just think, "Well it's fine if I don't feel good." But there's a ripple effect that happens in our homes and in our families when we don't feel good and when we don't feel good about ourselves and when we never have a chance to reset or replenish, even if that's in really little ways, really little ways, right?
Our relationships feel it, the tone of our home can change. I always know that when I'm getting a little snappy, I need a minute. I need to go for a walk. I need to do some Pilates, I need to shift. And I think maybe just the word shift is something that we could take away from this conversation, is little things that you can do to shift your state of being or to shift the way you feel. Not only is it going to take care of you and your health, but it's also going to have a positive ripple effect on the people that you love and care about the most.
I also just want to kind of put it out there that it's so important because I see so many women coming to me in The Balanced Life who have neglected themselves over the years. And the effects are long lasting. There are actual health things that can happen. Your health can decline if you don't take those cues right now to pause, breathe, give yourself 15 minutes, unplug from the computer if you need to and just go lay down on your bed for 10 minutes. Just think small because you are worth it. You deserve it just for your own self and your own wellbeing. But also those people that you care about the most are also going to benefit.
Nancy: Such a good reminder. I feel like I needed to hear that so thank you for that, couldn't agree more. So good. So three quick questions to end our time together. Just whatever comes to your mind and this can be something that you're presently enjoying or something that comes to your mind that you've enjoyed previously. But what is a book that you're loving or that you really love?
Robin: So many. Also, this is for all the moms who are in that new season. I can't read for a year after having a kid, but I'm finally getting back into it. I'm like, "I forgot I love reading."
Nancy: I know.
Robin: But what I'm reading right now that it might be helpful for everyone is Raising Worry-Free Girls by Sissy Goff.
Nancy: It sounds amazing.
Robin: Fascinating and empowering as a mom. And I feel like every mom of girls—and really it could apply to boys and girls—should read it. So I'm only halfway in, but it's really good.
Nancy: I can't wait to put that on my list. Definitely plan to read that. That sounds so good. What is the product that you're loving? Can be literally anything.
Robin: I've got a lot, but I'm going to share two. Can I share two?
Nancy: Yes, totally.
Robin: One is, I just discovered the company, Big Life Journals. And in this season when we're recording this right now, we are homeschooling all of a sudden our kids. And Big Life Journals has some actual journals that you can print or that you can buy. But they also have these little kits and booklets that you can print at home. And they are focused on things like growth mindset and there's games and activities and gratitude and kindness. And it has been so great to, we call it a homeschool class called Growth Mindset and Gratitude. Our kids love it and I feel like it's taught them really valuable lessons and it has helped me to figure out how to teach them those things. So love that.
Then on a totally different note, I have this new product by LUMIONskin. And it's a skin serum, but it's actually really interesting because I don't even know what it uses. But it uses some type of all natural chemical that cleans your face. And it's very clean so you can also use it as hand sanitizer in these times when it's needed.
Nancy: What?
Robin: So it's LUMIONskin and it's really good stuff. I'm really loving it.
Nancy: That's crazy.
Robin: I know.
Nancy: I never heard of anything like that. That's really cool.
Robin: It has something in it, I'm not even going to know what it's called, some kind of acid. And apparently in China that's what they were using to spray down the doctors after they came out of the hospital to kind of sanitize their body in a natural way. And that's what's actually in this product. So of course right now they're like, "Buy our product because it's fit for your face and helps keep your face clean. But also other things."
Nancy: That is so crazy. Just thinking about touching our face, how they're saying don't touch your face, our phones are to our face all the time. It's important to keep our faces clean and not just for our skin, but for the germs.
Robin: Right.
Nancy: That's really interesting. It's so cool.
Robin: I feel like it's timely. There's a serum and then there's a spray that you can even use just mid day.
Nancy: What? So cool. Super cool. Last question. What does work and play mean to you?
Robin: Work and play means to me that I get to do both. And I think as moms and as women, sometimes we feel like we have to choose. Either I'm able to be free, carefree and play and be with my family and be with my kids and do the things I want to do or I'm a working mom. And so for me, work and play means pursuing both and knowing that there are seasons where it's going to be more work and less play and other seasons where there's more play and less work and just kind of embracing that along the way.
Nancy: I love that. So good. Well Robin, thank you so much for being on the Work & Play Podcast. Can you tell our listeners a little bit about your podcast and where we can find you?
Robin: Absolutely, yes. So I am over at The Balanced Life, or sometimes it's just easier to go to Instagram, which is @TheBalancedLife—I love hanging out over on Instagram. And we have a variety of workouts, free workouts that you can try. They're just 10 or 15 minute Pilates workouts that you can sneak into your day. I try to provide this kind of encouragement for women and other just busy women who are wanting to take care of themselves but feel overwhelmed by the thought of it just over on my podcast, which is The Balanced Life Podcast.
Nancy: I love that. And I will just say, I love following you on Instagram. I love how real you are and how honest you are, it's one of my favorite things about you. And how you really do show a lot of different aspects of your life. So I'm grateful for that. You show your life as a mom doing Pilates. And when you share your grocery haul and different things. I just love following you so I appreciate everything that you're putting out there.
Also for anyone listening, Robin has an amazing YouTube channel and I have definitely watched plenty of her YouTube videos as well. They're super helpful. And definitely check out the Sisterhood as well. All of that can be found on her website. So thank you again, Robin. I so appreciate you.
Robin: Thank you Nancy. This was so much fun.
Nancy: I'm going to close with words from Robin that I love so much. She says,
“Do the things that you need to do to feel the way you want to feel.”
I hope you take 10 minutes for yourself and apply some of the things that we spoke about today.
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More Episodes
I am so excited to replay this episode with Emily Ley. If you’ve listened before or you haven’t, this episode is so good. I think that what I love most about her is how much she values the little things—the moments in between—and finding that kind of balance between work and play and what that looks like.