083 - Book | Rhythms of Renewal
Affiliate links have been used in this post! I do receive a commission when you choose to purchase through these links, and that helps me keep this podcast up and running—I truly appreciate when you choose to use them!
Resources from this episode:
Show Notes:
Today's book is Rhythms of Renewal by Rebekah Lyons. And it's one of those books I just kept hearing about. It kept popping up on my social media feed or in a podcast or I saw a friend reading it. And after looking into what it was all about, I knew I wanted to get my hands on it.
In it, Rebecca outlines four rhythms for a life of peace and purpose. I couldn't help but think back to my episode just a couple episodes ago on self-care, because I feel like this book is a deeper dive and how we can live out these rhythms and have a healthy, mature life as a believer. All in all, I love the book. I feel like Rebecca is somewhat of a soul sister and I can't wait for you to hear my top takeaways.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through it below!
Before diving into this episode, I want to mention one thing that I hope will relieve some background anxiety in your life. If you have thousands of photos on your phone, which most of us do, and you're constantly nervous about losing them or losing your phone or don't exactly know what to do with them or how to get them off your phone, I created a five minute video for you to watch as well as a PDF that outlines five steps where you can get all of your photos off of your phone in an afternoon.
Last year I had I think 16,000 images on my phone—crazy—and it took me a little over an hour to get them all safely off my phone and onto my hard drive. And I felt so relieved when I finally made time to do this. You can do this, too. Click the button below to get the guide, and I'll literally walk you through my process step-by-step so you can take care of your photos today.
Okay, I'm going to break my own rules today and instead of bringing you my top three takeaways, I'm giving you my top four takeaways from Rhythms of Renewal.
The book is laid out in four rhythms, so I just felt like this made more sense.
The four Rhythms of Renewal that Rebecca lays out in her book are: rest, restore, connect, and create.
She calls rest and restore the input rhythms and connect and create the output rhythms. I just love a book that's well-organized and well thought through and I really think she did such a great job with that in this book. Let's dive into my top four takeaways in each of these rhythms.
First, rest, the rhythm of Rest.
A lot of these chapters that she talked about, I'll be honest, they're practices I have already embraced. I feel like the Lord has taken me on this journey the last several years, and I have done several social media detoxes. I have a solid morning routine and we endeavor to practice the Sabbath in our home and in our family. We don't do it perfectly, but these are all topics and chapters in her book that I feel like have really already resonated with me and so I was fist pumping, high-fiving the whole time I was reading them. Yes, yes, yes. Such good stuff.
But the chapter that grabbed my heart the most was the very first chapter, Take Inventory. She encourages you to just stop and when you're resting to really stop and just kind of look at your life, take inventory on your life. And she says to ask four questions.
1. What's right?
What is going right in your life right now? This question really centers you on gratitude. It centers you on the good things in your life. And I think it's important to stop and pause and think about what's going well for me right now, because I don't know about you, but I feel like the enemy really likes to distract my thoughts and focus me on the negative things.
I have a critical nature and maybe it's not the enemy. Maybe it's just me and my own brain, but I can be very quick to notice everything that's not going right. And I think it's so important, especially as Americans, when we have so much wealth that we don't even realize, we have so much if we have a roof over our heads and a full pantry and a job that we can work, I mean, we are so incredibly blessed, it's so important to stop and ask ourselves, "What's going right in my life?" It focuses our heart on gratitude.
2. What's wrong?
And this is an important question because we need to stop and focus on assessing and naming the challenges in our life or things that feel out of order in order to fix those things and improve what's not going right, what's going wrong. And I think it's really important to do that.
My pastor used to say, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing you've always done and expecting the outcome to be different," or something like that. I probably messed it up, but you get what I'm saying. If we keep doing the same things we've always done and we're just waiting on things to change, well, you have to be the one to change. You have to ask yourself, "What's wrong? What needs to change?" Let's name those challenges and let's try to fix it or come up with a solution.
3. What's confused?
She said, "This helps me isolate the rabbit trails I seem to chase and ask the bigger questions like am I teaching our children respect and responsibility? Am I making friendships a priority? Am I making the time we spend as a family quality time as a family?"
4. What's missing?
This requires a hard look at areas of your life that you might need help with. And this is hard and humbling because a lot of times this last question is something we can't actually figure out on our own. We can't see our own blind spots. That's why they're called blind spots. It'd be a good idea to ask your husband or ask a few trusted friends to answer this question for you, like, "Hey, what's missing from my life? What do you think is lacking in my life that I need more of that maybe I don't see?" Ooh, that's kind of scary and hard to think about, but so good and important, and that's why we have people and loved ones and friends in our life is to help us see those blind spots.
After you ask those four questions, what's right, what's wrong, what's confused, what's missing, you can theme your inventory.
Ask yourself, "Is there a major theme that has come out of these questions that I need to focus on?"
One year for her, the theme was re-establish. She just needed to re-establish some things in her life. And I love that. That's my first takeaway in the Rhythm of Rest is just a pause and take inventory of your life.
My second big takeaway was from the rhythm of Restore or Restoring, and it was her chapter simply titled Take a Walk. She talks about how she lived in this house in the suburbs, and she really struggled with seasonal affective disorder, also known as SAD, and it's called sad for a reason, because you start to feel really sad in the winter months. And I've had a few close friends and family members who struggled with this.
And she said she moved to New York city right before winter and she was forced to walk everywhere. She and her family got a small apartment and literally everywhere in New York City, because they lived in the city, they had to walk or take the subway. And she said that the seasonal effective disorder that she struggled with went away after she just got a really good coat and really good gear and bundled up and just walked everywhere, like, "Hey, need some groceries? Got to walk. Want a cup of coffee? Got to walk. Kids need to go to school? Got to walk."
And she said it changed her life. And she since has moved from New York city to Nashville, Tennessee. But she said this is something that she wants to keep as part of her life is just regular walking. I even think back to my interview with Emily Thomas last week in camping. And she said this is her one secret to a healthy soul and a fulfilling life at the end of the episode is just to simply take a walk with your husband at the end of every day.
I also think this has just been a personal theme for me. All throughout this year, I have been reading about authors that I follow and even big thinkers in the past like CS Lewis—they made time, they carved out time for hour long walks in the woods just to think. They call them thinking walks. And I think there's something so important about that. And for me, I usually make time for a run so that I get in my exercise and I make time to do things or check off my to-do list, but I rarely make time just to walk and to think and to be or to converse with someone.
And I just think there's something really beautiful about that. And so not only does it boost your mental health, it boosts your physical health and allows you time I think just to process and think without trying to reach a goal. And so that really stood out for me is just the importance of walking.
Now, my third takeaway was from the rhythm of connecting with others. And the chapter that really stood out to me is called Be the Friend You Wish You Had. I was talking with my best friend recently about how adult friendships are just hard. It's different than when we were in middle school, in high school in college, because there are these forced times that you just got to spend together and we had extra time between studies and taking tests. And when you enter adulthood, friendships, they get weird, don't they? They get a little bit more difficult to navigate.
And Rebecca wrote about this, too, in her book. She shared about when she tried to put herself out there only to have close friends desert her or low key make fun of her or not approve of her and how that made her just want to run and hide and shrivel up and not show up, not be herself, but keep to herself.
I have felt that. I'm sure you have, too, and it's not a good feeling. It can be extremely painful. I have another friend who still struggles to this day with a friendship who just the girl just stopped talking to her, just gone. It's so sad and that does, it hurts and makes us as adults just want to not be a friend.
In the book—I love this—Rebecca called on an old lifelong trusted friend, got on the phone with her and was like, "I just don't want to show up anymore." And that friend spoke back to her. Her name was Trina in the book. And she said, "Rebecca, you have been a good friend. You really have. You don't need to base who you are and how you show up in friendships on this one friendship that's deserted you. You need to be the friend that you are and be the friend that you wish to have."
And in that moment, Rebecca said she decided that was the kind of friend she wanted to be, the one that she wished she had and not. Perspective shift is huge. And I think as adults, we need to take that on. That's our ownership and our responsibility to simply be the friend that we wish we had. And that can feel scary and uncomfortable because it means that we put ourselves out there, and there is a risk element involved, but the payoff is really good.
There's another chapter in this book about vulnerability and the importance of vulnerability. And I almost listed that as my takeaway for the section of the connect rhythm, but I didn't. I chose this, be the friend you wish you had, but I'll just say side note, that could be my fifth secret takeaway is showing up and being vulnerable. And so basically just go get the book and read all the chapters because you'll be so blessed by all of them, but it requires vulnerability to put yourself out there, and yeah. Anyway, I could go on. I'm getting off my notes now. Let's go on to my fourth takeaway.
My fourth takeaway from this book is in the rhythm of creating. And the biggest takeaway from this was a chapter called Work with Your Hands. Work with your hands. One theme that Rebecca talks about a lot in this book is anxiety and how it's been a personal struggle for her, and goodness, isn't it for all of us? I mean, that is the thing that we all are dealing with in this day and age that we live in with all of the media and screens and busy schedules and there's just a lot to balance in our life. And I love how she takes the practicality of work and applies it to her anxiety.
And she says work dissipates anxiety and builds confidence. Work and confidence are absolutely related and work and getting rid of anxiety are related. A lot of times when we work with our hands, whether it's a project or doing something like gardening and pulling up weeds or creating a quilt or sewing or knitting or painting or baking or doing something with our hands, it really helps get rid of anxiety. It gives us purpose because creating is what we were made to do.
And Rebecca says using our hands, employing our God-given creativity to make something new is good medicine for the soul. It helps us focus on something other than ourselves and use our strategic problem solving skills to create something that brings beauty and builds our confidence as creators. It fills us with a sense of accomplishment and often allows us to offer the world a gift.
Those are my four main takeaways from this book:
First is to take inventory.
Second is to take regular walks.
Third is be the friend you wish you had,
and Fourth is to work with your hands.
And in the context of work and play and life, I initially thought, you know, this book perfectly outlines it. Rest and restore are in the play category and connect and create are in the work category. And in some sense, that's true.
Rebecca says the first two are input rhythms, like I said, and the last two are output rhythms. But as I kept reading, what I seemed to be finding more and more is that there are actually elements of work and play in all four rhythms. And that ultimately is my bigger takeaway from the words and themes in these pages.
There's an element of work and play in all that we do.
And that's how the Lord intended it to be.
The rhythm of Rest, some of the chapters about work are to take inventory, to do a tech detox, to do the heart work, but play is to get quiet and stop the work, have a Sabbath.
In the rhythm of Restore, the work chapters were to break a sweat, eat smart, push yourself and play was permission to play, seek adventure and take a walk.
In the rhythm of Connect, the work chapters were to carry each other's burdens, the marriage retreat, apologize first and lead with vulnerability. And the play chapters were to be the friend you wish to have, have an open porch policy and hugs all around.
In the Create rhythm, the work chapters were work with your hands, learn something new, take care of something, say yes and play was dream again, recover your passion, make a memory and also in play is say yes. I love that as I finished this book, I realized there are elements of work and play in every single rhythm that she outlines. And that is just as God intended it.
Work and Play cornerstore
Now, it's time for the Work and Play Cornerstore, which is where I share a book I'm loving and a thing I'm loving. I'll get a small commission for anything bought through these links, which help me to continue to bring this podcast to you every week. But the price is normal for you, so it's a win-win.
Today, I'm of course adding the book Rhythms of Renewal to the Cornerstore, as well as our favorite kid hiking backpack.
I've gotten a lot of questions about this recently on Instagram. And one of my favorite rhythms of renewal is hiking as a family and fall is the absolute best time to hike. The leaves are changing. The mosquitoes and bugs aren't quite as prevalent. The air is crisp, but that can feel hard to do with little kids. Trust me. That's why I think a good kid hiking backpack is crucial. And I'm not talking about a backpack for the kids to carry their backs. I'm talking about the kind that you put a kid inside and you carry the kid on your back as you hike.
Quick story. We have had three different hiking backpacks. One I bought for 30 bucks off Facebook Marketplace, I think, and it was used. It's discontinued. You can't even buy them anymore, and it started unraveling. Another one was given to us by a neighbor and it was pretty good, but not super comfortable.
And I started researching and I finally caved and two Christmases ago, I bought one for Will and it was pricey, but as much as we were hiking and as much as Will said that it was hurting his back and uncomfortable, I was like, "Listen, we need to go all in. We still have three little kids. We're going to get several years out of this. Let's do it." And I bought the ... I think it's called Deuter Kid Comfort. I'll definitely leave a link in the show notes. I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing that right, but it has been so worth it.
Four months before I bought it for him, we went hiking in Zion National Park. We hiked the narrows, and bless Will's heart, he carried Millie, who was three at the time in this unraveling kid backpack, and it was so uncomfortable. It made his back hurt so much. And so that Christmas, I bought him the Deuter, and he has loved it. He was like, "Literally, this is night and day."
Now, keep in mind, no kid backpack is super comfy. You're still going to feel the weight of your kid and need to adjust the straps to make it fit. It's hard work to carry a kid on your back, but of all the options that we've had, this one is far superior and we always recommend it to friends when they ask about our hiking backpack.
It has great storage, so we always fill up the bottom pocket with a ton of snacks and water bottles and a tiny little mirror ... this is my favorite part ... where you can pull it out and hold it up and look at your kid in the little mirror. It's a handheld mirror and you can see their face when they're in your back, which is so cute. Adjustable straps, a little pillow for the kid to lay his or her head on if she's tired. Many of our kids have napped in the Deuter as we've hiked. It has been great.
Side note, my website just got a little refresh last week. If you haven't been there in a while, feel free to head to NancyRay.com and don't forget to go to Nancyray.com/clearmyphone if you want relief from the thousands and thousands of photos on your phone. I'll show you exactly what I do and how to get them off your phone easily.
Okay. I'm going to close with words from Rhythms of Renewal, and I hope that you apply these words not just to your days, but to the rest of this year.
Let's live into these blessed rhythms to rest, restore, connect, and create. Let's quiet inner chaos and make room for flourishing. Let's establish daily habits that keep us mentally and physically strong. When we do, we cultivate the vibrant life we were meant to live.
Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next time.
