100 - 100th Episode, 100 Questions!
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Resources from this episode:
Slugs and Bugs (also on Spotify!)
Episode 047 - Book | Seasons of God with Dr. Richard Blackaby
Episode 056 - Meal Planning Made Fun with Kate from Naptime Kitchen
Show Notes:
I'm so excited to celebrate with you today!
Listen, I'm doing something different today. I actually went to many of you and said, “What should I do for my hundredth episode?” And many of you said, just do a Q&A and answer 100 questions. So many of you actually submitted these questions on Instagram. I'm so excited! I was not able to do all of the questions—believe it or not, I got well over a hundred questions! But I'm really excited just to have fun, and to have a conversation for you guys to get to know me on a different level. A lot of these are personal, a lot of them are lighthearted, a lot of them are fun and hopefully some of them you'll find helpful to you and your life.
If you have been a listener for any amount of time, I want to encourage you to please go leave a review on iTunes Podcasts. It helps me so much when you do that. And thank you truly from the bottom of my heart for being a listener!
We're going to have fun today (believe me, you want to listen to the end!). I brought in a few helpers, and I hope you enjoy it. And again, thank you so much for listening to Work and Play with Nancy Ray.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through it below!
Okay, let’s jump into the 100 questions that you guys sent me.
What’s something you wish that you could tell your 20-year-old self?
I think the first thing I would say is your college major is not all that important, but the kind of person you are and the character you build are worth more than any degree that you have. And those things will actually land you the jobs that you want more than anything that you study.
Do you miss anything about being full-time in photography?
Yeah, there's, there's plenty of things I miss about it. I really miss my team, I really miss working with those amazing ladies. I miss the high pace of a wedding day, as crazy as that sounds, I loved the time constraints. I loved the light that I had to work with. All different kinds of lighting situations. I loved the high emotions, I thrived in those high situations, I loved them. I really miss the business strategy. I really miss vendors who became dear friends of mine. I don't see them very much anymore. And weddings were just such a wonderful time to connect with them. I miss the beautiful, vulnerable moments that I was able to be a part of on a regular basis. Yeah, there's a lot that I miss about it.
Do you ever cuss?
Such a great question haha. If I'm honest? No, not really. Not saying I never have. I mean, I definitely have, but when I do, which I honestly think I've probably cussed like less than 10 times in my whole life. I am really extremely upset or I do it to be funny with my sister or my close friends or family, but I'll say this, my grandpa used to always say that cussing is a sign of a poor vocabulary and that always just stuck with me. So I have just tried to not, but it happens every now and then I'll just say it's probably not very often.
What is your funniest moment in parenting?
I think it's just all the funny things my kids say. I don't, I can't think of a moment, but I have this note on my phone and every time my kid says something funny, I put it in there and I have one for Milly, one for Lyndon, one for Beaufort. Here's a couple of examples from Milly:
“Do you know who has the most teeth in the whole world? Jesus.”
“I’m really sorry. I'm slow today. I'll faster it up.”
“Mommy, look how tall I weigh with my high heels on!”
and my all time favorite, which I think I'm going to get printed and put in my kitchen:
“I wonder what my Holy spirit will say to us when we're in heaven. I think Holy Spirit will talk to us every morning at breakfast. And I will ask him to give me a donut. And he will say yes, because he is perfect And does not sin.”
I love kids brains. That's amazing.
What Hogwarts house would you be?
Gryffindor, definitely Gryffindor.
What’s the best thing about the Internet?
Opportunity. You know, the internet, it's crazy. It can be a very, very crazy place, but it gives so much opportunity literally to anybody who has access to it to build a business or a platform, make a living if you offer something valuable on the internet. And I just think it's incredible that you can really learn whatever you want to learn on the internet. Like go to YouTube and you can learn it, whatever that thing is, you can learn it. Also, Amazon Prime. Just buy something and it will show up on your doorstep two days later.
What’s your favorite app?
What are you and Will's love languages?
Will’s is acts of service and physical touch. Mine would be quality time and words of affirmation.
All right, I'm going to bring in a helper to help me with some of my questions. This is Milly my five-year-old daughter.
Milly: “What’s your favorite place?”
My favorite place is probably our home. Other than our home, I really like to go to the lake.
Milly: “What is your favorite food?”
Definitely tacos and guacamole. I had someone asked me if I could have one last meal on earth, what would it be? (to Milly:) Do you know what it would be? Not pizza. No, it would be fiery fish tacos with guacamole and a hot chocolate chip cookie in a skillet with ice cream on top.
Milly: “What is your Starbucks order?”
I like a tall decaf two pump vanilla latte with whole milk.
Milly: “Where’s your favorite place to play?”
My favorite place to play! That's a really good question. Maybe. I think my favorite place to play is in the woods. When we go hiking.
Milly: “What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?”
Excellent question. Vanilla. All the way. I get very sad when people say that vanilla is plain, it's not. It's a very yummy flavor all by itself. You like vanilla. I love it too. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Milly: “My favorite cream flavor is vanilla with sprinkles.”
I just like plain vanilla.
Milly: “What do you eat for breakfast?”
I think my favorite thing is my homemade granola with yogurt and bananas and berries.
Milly: “Oh that's a good breakfast.”
It's very yummy.
Milly: “How do you get your little ones to sleep through the night?”
Excellent question. When you were a baby, I did Baby Wise. I tried to do baby wise with all the kids and you did great. And you taught yourself how to sleep through the night, easy peasy. I think you're sleeping through the night at like 10 weeks old, it was amazing. Lyndon and Beaufort were not that way. I had to sleep train them. So I listened to a sleep training episode in Positive Parenting Solutions, an online parenting class, and that really helped. I also talked several friends, but basically I remember sleep training Lyndon when she was about eight months old. And then when Beaufort turned four months old, I was like “time to sleep train him because I am so tired!”
What’s your favorite color?
My favorite color is probably gray. I love gray. I wear it all the time.
Milly: “Well, my favorite color is pink!”
Okay, a big thank you to Milly for helping ask some of mommy's questions today! Moving right along…
Do you subscribe to any magazines?
I don't right now, but I used to subscribe to Real Simple for many, many years. And I think last year and the year before, the Magnolia Journal, but nothing right now.
If you could retake any vacation, what would it be?
Oh, okay. Will and I took this week-long vacation to the British Virgin Islands before we had kids. I think it was our five-year anniversary, and we literally lived on a boat for six days. It was this big motor catamaran. He was the captain. I was a skipper. We snorkeled with legit sharks. I snorkeled with the school of jellyfish—it was terrifying. We explored so many different islands in the British Virgin Island. We even visited the place where we honeymooned. And then one night we dragged our mattress onto the top of the boat and tried to sleep under the stars, and it ended up raining on us, which is hilarious. But all in all of that trip was just amazing. It's literally just the two of us on a boat and the most beautiful place. It was awesome. Definitely want to take the kids back there when they're old enough.
What’s something you'd never cut out of your budget?
Okay. This is kind of a weird answer. Literally was the first thing that came to my mind. Christian Healthcare Ministries is our alternative to traditional health insurance. It is so awesome. It's a great fit for our family. You can look into it if you want to know more about it, but that is something at this point that we are sold on. We love it, so definitely would not cut that out of her budget with three little kids at this stage of life is great.
What’s your favorite way that you save money?
I'd say we don't eat out too often. And whenever we vacation, we try to stay at some family homes that extended family owns. And so we don't have to pay anything for it and we can buy groceries, or we try to borrow friends of ours who own homes as well, which is just such a blessing. But I think we try to do that first before paying for an Airbnb or a hotel.
Favorite go-to weeknight dinner meal?
Oh, tacos and guacamole. Yeah.
How do you encourage your husband when he's experiencing hard stuff?
I think I just first try to listen and understand where he's at and ask him some good questions and then do extra acts of service for him because he's a big acts of service guy. So yeah, just try to be more aware of that—I'm not that good at it, but I try.
What’s your best quality?
Oof, literally, the fact I've been transformed by the Holy Spirit is my best quality—the fact that I have been saved and redeemed and yeah, I am owned by Him. Thank you, Lord.
My worst quality is that I can really be more task oriented than people oriented. Kind of sad to say that, but I can. I can get so focused on a task that I am blinded to the people around me.
What’s your favorite childhood memory?
Christmas Eve. Every Christmas Eve was really special.
How is your hair so good?
Okay. First, my hair is not always good, but thank you. Second, I, for one, I have really thick hair. I've always had thick care. I've never colored it. So I think part of it, I'm just thankful for my hair because it's nice and thick, but also there are things that I do that really help it. And the first thing is that I just don't wash it very much and I've trained my hair, and one of the ways I do that is I never use conditioner. I use shampoo, I just never use conditioner. So I wash it like once or twice a week and never use conditioner. And then also I tease it all the time, which is kind of old school. And then I use Kenra hairspray, all of those things create like a less oily and like lifted hair environment. So I don't have to wash it very much And it keeps it full and it gives it body. Also, I'm taking way too long in this question, but whenever I get my hair cut, I always ask her to thin my hair out. I ask her to thin it out like crazy. Cause I do have thick hair, but sometimes my hair gets so thick, it weighs down and gets greasy. So when I get it thinned out, I can tease it in the lift will stay better. Okay. That's all for that question.
What is your favorite Bible study?
Okay. One I did when I was young, I think I was maybe 13 or 14 was A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place by Beth Moore. It's all about the tabernacle. It left a really big impression on me. Also last year we did this study of Revelation by She Reads Truth. It was really good. Like the graphics, the booklet was beautiful and I learned a lot. And right now I'm just really loving cleaning to the truth of Revelation that we win. That in the end, all this craziness, like we, we are on the winning side, really grateful for that.
What’s the recipe you've made the most?
We went to a, with friends and Charlotte and had their guacamole and it was so good. And in their bathroom, they had a picture of the recipe is like Cantina 1551 or something that was in Charlotte. And we took a picture of the guacamole recipe in the bathroom and my husband and I came home and made it. And we have like perfected our guacamole. We love it. That's probably the thing that we make the most.
If you could only use one kitchen gadget, what would it be?
I don't, I don't really understand this question. Maybe coffee pot? That's not a gadget. The spatula? I use that all the time. Honestly, no, I got this lemon and lime squeezer for Christmas this year and I obsessed with it. That's probably the best like gadget-y answer. So I'll go with that.
How can we pray for you, especially in regards to the podcast?
I thought this question was very kind, so thank you for asking it. I think I would love prayer for boldness and truth and that I would really listen to the Holy Spirit as far as what I should plan for or speak to or what topics I should cover and just follow His guidance. I think in the culture we live in, it's just, it can kind of be scary to put yourself out there. So I think, yeah, just for me to please an audience of One and not anybody else, that would be my answer.
What’s your top five favorite movies of all time?
1) About Time
2 & 3) Father of the Bride, I and II
4) Braveheart
5) The Prince of Egypt, which sounds so funny when I say that with all the rest, but it is such a good movie and the music—it’s so good.
Favorite TV show?
Gilmore girls.
Favorite music style?
I’d say worship music, but not like the typical Christian radio that—no offense—I just really gets on my nerves. I like more unique, organic kind of folk-y worship Christian song writing.
How has your childhood influenced how you raise your family? The good and the bad.
I'd say, the good: I come from a family with a really great sense of humor. Lot of fun, a lot of music, a lot of singing. That's all very important to me. And well, as we raise our kids, you know, as centered on faith, going to church on the Lord, and I feel like my parents always encouraged this entrepreneurial spirit, encouraged big dreams and working hard.
The bad: you know, I grew up in a pretty wealthy family. I never lacked for anything. So I can see in myself this tendency to not tell my kids no. Like want to give them everything, because I remember how fun it was as a kid to get what I wanted. Like, we'd go on a trip and I'd be able to buy whatever souvenirs I wanted and we'd go shopping and I could literally buy anything. And I want to replicate that for my kids, even though I know that's not the best thing for them. I need to teach them how to use their own money and the value of money. I know it’s better for them, but sometimes that's a struggle for me.
How can spouses dream together when they work in different professions?
I think you can dream as a household and in setting financial goals together, something Will and I really connect on. The things we want to do with our money is really exciting for us. I think also just learning as much as you can about the other's profession. My husband hosts these round table groups for Christian business owners and CEOs, and I've had the privilege of sitting in on some of those groups and it's awesome. And the fact that I really understand what it's like to go to work for him is really cool. So I think just listening, getting involved as much as you can and asking a lot of questions every day about their day is a good way to do it.
How do you hit the restart button on bad days?
Okay. Well, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I just have bad days. So, I just want to normalize that that's fine. Today was honestly a hard day. I had a headache for several hours. I was exhausted. And what I did this afternoon was I made the bed and I prayed out loud the whole time. Literally it was just talking to God out loud as I was making the bed to get these thoughts out of my heart and spirit and like to Him. And then I made myself a cup of decaf coffee and said, “What can I do to get myself out of this funk that I feel like I'm in.”
The other day, when I had a bad day, I made all the kids like a rest for a little bit, whether or not they slept was fine. They had to go play somewhere else for just an hour, and I laid on the couch and I turned on worship music and closed my eyes, and drifted off for like 15 minutes. That just really helped me immensely. I think sometimes if I have a lot of energy, if I'm kind of feeling off or discouraged, I'll just go tackle a project, so I feel better about myself or more productive.
I think it depends on your personality. I think it depends on why you're having a bad day. I think you need some intuition to just kind of quiet yourself and be like, “What do I really need right now?” Like, do I need to rest and close my eyes? or do I need to go tackle something, because I'm feeling like lazy or I need to prove to myself I still got it? You know? And it just depends on your personality and what's best for you.
Advice for a fellow mama wanting to start her own podcast?
I think consistency is key. Doesn't mean you have to do one every week, but whatever you say, you're going to do, do that. Even if it's once a month, just keep showing up and be consistent.
I think sound quality really matters.
I think knowing your audience and what your audience wants before you start recording or creating content really matters—the number one tip I'd give you is just, if you have any kind of audience, just ask them: “If you could get coffee with me, what would you ask me?” Or yeah, just ask them what they want to learn from you. That's a great starting point.
How do you handle being in the public eye?
Our current culture deters me. Yeah. I feel this. I don't handle it the best all the time. Our pastor recently has been talking a lot about the kingdom of God and how right now we really have to have a warfare mentality. Like we are battling in the spiritual realm and I have to constantly ask myself, who am I trying to please by doing this? Am I trying to please man, or God? And the more I accept and realize that I am just going to make people mad, like, I'm just not going to please, everybody, not everyone out there is going to give me a great review or love what I have to say. The more I like know that's coming, the more I can handle their anger or their disapproval of me.
But honestly, I don't handle it well all the time. I care very deeply about what people think of me and I am working on that, but I think just having that mentality of like: I'm going to please the Lord not everyone's going to like me and that's okay. It helps me keep showing up.
What shampoo are you loving?
I have been using Argon Oil of Morocco, that blue bottle by OGX for probably actually for five years, a friend gave it to me and a little hospital bag that she made for me when I went to the hospital to have Milly. And I remember that smell in the shower after giving birth to Milly and loving it. And I have been using that shampoo ever since.
Who are your favorite biblical leaders to follow?
I really had a hard time coming up with the answer to this. The first person who came to my mind was Sally Clarkson, who I've had on this podcast, who is like a mentor, like a mama mentor. She's amazing. And the pastor that I thought of that came to my mind was Matt Chandler. I really enjoy his sermons and his theology and what he has to say. So I'll just leave you with those two.
Do you like to make things with your hands?
Honestly, not really. I tried knitting. I just get bored with it. I don't, I'm not, I don't know. I don't really see myself as a very crafty person. I do feel like I'd like to paint, but I don't. I do have this long lost dream of doing pottery, like spinning it with the wet clay and everything. I always wanted to try that and do that, but I don't know where, I don't know when I'd ever try that or do that. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think of myself as really loving to do things with my hands and that's okay.
Will you ever be a wedding photographer again?
At this point, I really don't think so. Which makes me kind of sad, but I've learned to never say never. I mean, I just feel like right now that chapter's closed and I'm in the thick of a totally different chapter, and in the future I'd like to try new things. So, I don’t think so.
What's your favorite book of the Bible and why?
I think Psalms would be my favorite book because of how it has really comforted me and my life at certain times in my life. Yeah.
N’SYNC or Backstreet Boys?
I’ve got to say N’SYNC even though I've been to a Backstreet Boys concert and I know all the dance moves to Everybody, I think that's it—“rock your body right”—yeah. No, that answers that. I know all of the N’SYNC words by heart to like several of their albums. So I think, I think I'm going to go with N’SYNC.
Fave resources to point your kids to God?
Okay. At my kids' ages right now, we love Slugs and Bugs. It’s this guy who sings scripture and also sings a lot of silly songs, and The Jesus Storybook Bible, for sure. I think as we look towards our kids, getting older, staying really involved in youth group, sending them up on missions trips and to summer camps are all going to be really important. They were transformative for me in my husband. So I think just really making sure they're plugged in to our local church is a big deal.
One thing you have loved doing as a kid with your parents that you do with your kids?
Now I love this question. It took me back to my dad taking me to this little secret bridge that was only for him and me. And we would just stand there and throw rocks in there. It was like not rushed, very slow pace. He would just let me explore and we'd just be together. And he called it our secret bridge, and it was like in a neighborhood across the street from our house.
And my mom, I think about, she was just the best listener and advice giver. Like in any moment I needed to vent or get advice, she was always the one I went to. So I think I want to do that with my kids. Like I want to have little memories that are secrets with me and each of my kids that they'll always remember, and also just really try to be the best listener and advice giver.
What dating advice do you think you'll share with your children?
Don't date anybody that's not marriage material.
Become really, really good friends first and hang out in a lot of different settings with a lot of different people.
Watch how they treat their mom,
and Pay attention to their relationship with the Lord above everything else.
What is Will's Enneagram number and how has that helped you understand him more?
Will is a one I knew he was the one from the first time I read the road back to you and I was laughing throughout the whole chapter. It was like, this is crazy how accurate it is. It's really helped me love his level for “rightness.” If you know a one or have a one in your life, you know, they love for things to be right and true, and so it has made me appreciate his love for righteousness and truth. He also worked so hard and he never leaves a job undone, and I am really grateful for that.
You have said in your podcast that you grew up well off, what did your parents do for work?
My parents did Amway, which is the granddaddy of all multilevel marketing companies out there. And why sells a lot of different things, like unlike Mary Kay that sells makeup or all these oil companies, Amway sells nutrition products like vitamins, supplements, beauty products, personal care, home products, literally everything in our house growing up was all Amway, everything. And so my parents built a huge team and massive business. They worked their tails off and became very successful and I'm really grateful for everything they've taught me and all the blessings that have come along with them.
My favorite photo book to make my family yearbooks?
That was a great question. Artifact Uprising is what I use every time and I love their company. I love what they stand for.
Okay. The next three questions are kind of fun:
What’s Milly's birth story in a nutshell, and Lyndon’s, and Beaufort’s.
So, here we go. Roll up your sleeves. I'm going to be quick and hopefully concise with this.
Milly’s birth story was a gender surprise. 24 hour unmedicated hospital birth with 12 hours of active labor. She was born face up so sunny side up, which is not the proper way or the easier way. She also had a hand next to her face as she came out. So it made a very unpleasant experience for me, and I had to go into surgery directly after her birth because of that. Definitely my most difficult labor birth delivery recovery. All of it was very, very difficult.
Lyndon's birth story in a nutshell. Okay. Oh hers, it was redemption. Her birth story freed me from so much fear around birth because I had really battled in the spirit, the entire pregnancy to do it unmedicated again, but I was so afraid to because Milly's was pretty traumatic for me. And Lyndon's was another gender surprise. We waited to find out with her too. Hers was probably a 30 hour labor. It was a little bit longer than Milly's, but the, the active labor was a lot shorter. So Millie had like 12 hours of active labor. Lyndon's was only 6 hours of really active labor. And then I kind of stalled at seven centimeters for a long time, stayed at seven. And then when the midwife asked me, you know, we're still at seven centimeters, do you want me to break your waters? I said, yes, please break my waters. Lyndon, literally she broke the bag of waters, and she came flying out six minutes later. She was born in, in my arms six minutes after that, there was no stopping that train. It was crazy. Never have I ever felt so close to Jesus then that entire birth experience was beautiful.
Okay. Beaufort's birth story. Buckle up. I'm going to try. We are going to try to keep this in a brief synopsis. So he was a gender surprise, but he wasn't. So we went to get an ultrasound and we asked to find out if it was a girl or boy, and so they told us he was a girl. So we were expecting having a girl. We were ready for princess parties. So obviously, we had the surprise of our life when we discovered he was a boy right after he was born. I would say his birth story was three or four hours of labor total with two hours of active labor unmedicated in a birth center. It was really kind of confusing how long I was in labor because I had prodromal labor for weeks and weeks leading up to his birth. I also got sick with a stomach bug when I was two days overdue. And my husband came down with the flu, two strains of the flu actually, that same day. And then I kind of went into labor, continued prodromal labor overnight and went into labor. The following morning, I had sent my husband to his mom's house. He met me at the birth center, wearing a face mask before face masks were cool. And he made it there just two hours before the baby was born, it was crazy. So yeah, it was a wild ride with him for sure.
Tell us your favorite moment of the podcast so far.
I always think about my interview with Dr. Richard Blackaby, Episode 047. It was just such an honor to have him and I enjoyed our conversation so much, I think that may have been at and side note, I almost lost the entire episode afterwards and had a total panic attack because I thought that I had just wasted this man's time for like an hour and was so upset. I was in tears and thankfully the file miraculously was recovered from his computer and they worked with me me and sent it over. Oh my goodness. That was probably the best moment of the podcast is not only the interview with him, but also the fact that the episode was saved. So very, very thankful for that.
What’s the book that has taught you the most about balancing work and play?
I'd say 168 hours by Laura Vanderkam.
What is your favorite contentment scripture verse?
1 Timothy 6:17-19. It has a beautiful charge to those who are rich in this present age, which is me and you. If we live in America, which I know not everyone who listens to this live lives in America, but most of us, you, if you live in America, you are very blessed. You would be considered the rich in this present age. It says “charge them not to be haughty nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God who richly provides us with everything to enjoy there, to do good, be rich in good works, be generous and ready to share the storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.” I love that. I think that's the whole point, taking hold of that which is truly life, which is living a content life.
What is the best thing you did for yourself in the last year?
I went through a pretty in-depth healing ministry called Restoring the Foundations. That's by far the best thing I did for myself this last year. I found so much freedom and healing by the end of that week, best money I’ve spent, best time I've spent. Yeah. Restoring the Foundations is a beautiful ministry.
Do you think you will write a book?
I hope so, yes! I hope that I will. One day. I don't know. We'll see.
How do you teach Jesus to your kids?
I think my short answer is, I just try to weave it into everyday conversations and model it for them. I go into that a little bit deeper and Episode 059, Growing Faith in Your Littles, if you care to learn more about that.
What’s the story of how you and your husband met?
Okay. I see tall, a cute eighth grade boy waiting under the awning at carpool pick up after school one day. He was the new kid in school. He was a grade above me and yeah, from that point on we met each other, we stayed friends through middle school and high school, we even dated other people, and then ended up dating each other my senior year right after he graduated and was heading off for college.
What one book could you read over and over again?
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I think it's a fascinating book. The title sounds so shallow, but it is not. Oh my goodness. If you've ever read it, I just think it's a brilliant book. It's so good.
What is your favorite breakfast?
French toast. Bacon. Fresh berries. Hot coffee with my favorite sweet cream coffee creamer.
Okay. I am going to turn it over to another little helper who's going to help ask a few more questions.
Lyndon: “Mom, what's your favorite thing to play with the kids?”
I think my favorite thing to play with Milly is a game called “girly,” where she becomes the mommy and I become the little girl. And my favorite thing to play with you, Lyndon, is doctor because you are a very, very good doctor. You're very thorough. It's very funny. And my favorite thing to play with Beaufort is probably Magnatiles when we build the little houses around dinosaurs and his superhero figurines. And my favorite thing to do with all three of you is read.
Lyndon: “What’s your favorite Bible verse?”
My favorite Bible verse is Psalm 73:25-26. It says, whom have I in heaven, but you and there's nothing I desire on earth besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Lyndon: “What’s your morning routine?”
My morning routine is usually to wake up before you could get up to drink some coffee to pray, talk to God, to write in my journal, to read my Bible. And that's about it.
A big thank you to sweet Lyndon, my three-year-old who helped ask some of those questions.
What are your favorite book recommendations for marriage?
The first one that came to mind is Sacred Marriage. Really great book. Power of a Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Husband is really good. Yeah, I'm going to leave it at that.
You have 15 minutes to yourself: how do you spend that these days?
I think I turn on my fireplace and curl up under a cozy blanket and close my eyes on the couch. Sometimes I listen to worship music. Sometimes if my house is quiet, which is very rare, I just lay there quietly.
What's your best hair tip for someone who doesn't spend much time on hair?
Oh, set a timer in the morning. I've been doing this last two weeks. See how quickly you can do your hair or style it so that you feel good about yourself and can go about your day. Also train your hair so you don't have to wash it every day. Huge time-saver.
Do you have any hired help or childcare?
So my plan for 2020 was to have a nanny come and work one day a week. It didn't really work out. I had several nannies kind of in and out and I wouldn't even call them like nannies, they just were babysitters that I would have for short amounts of time. I'd go for long periods of time with no childcare right now. I've been about six months with no childcare. I do have a couple, maybe three hours, Mondays and Wednesdays when all my kids are in school, they're in Kindergarten and preschool, so it's only like half a day, but they also have been closed quite a bit this year because they've had to go virtual because of COVID. So I kind of scraped my time together. You know, right now it's 9:30 PM as I am recording this episode. So it's just like, whenever I can, I'll probably finish recording it tomorrow. I just, yeah, I get to things when I can at this point. I am looking to hopefully get more regular help soon. We'll see.
What’s your advice for newlyweds?
Take a bunch of trips, go on hikes, go outside, do adventurous things together. Have cheap date nights often. Really just take sincere interest in another's work and passions. Be honest, go to counseling if you need it, prioritize doing all the things that will be hard to do when you have kids—do all those now, as much as you can.
How do you manage your household?
That's like an entire podcast episode. Okay. A mix of weekly and daily rhythms. So every week we have like a rest day, a Sabbath, we order groceries, do meal planning. I would say definitely do laundry once or twice a day. Obviously make like three meals a day, clean them up every day. That's like enough to keep me very busy, just the laundry and meals. We try to straighten our rooms, make our beds every day. I'm still working on that, it's not happening all the time. And then monthly, I do have someone clean my house for me, that has been a lifesaver. And then I'll focus on like one bigger project every month, like cleaning out the bathroom or cleaning out the playroom or something like that.
How do you meal plan?
I'd say once a week. Usually I do this on Fridays, and I'll choose five meals to make for the following week and I just kind of make a list of them, and then I'll make them on the evenings that I want to, and we'll have a lot of leftovers in between. Occasionally we'll get Chick-fil-A, but mostly just leftovers or a quick, easy dinner. Three of those meals are more for me and my husband, something we would enjoy. And then two of those are like family fun meal, like hotdogs or pizza. And this year I've been trying ALDI delivery, which has been great, really have enjoyed that. So we place an order usually like once a week and then we get whatever we can't get it at ALDI at the local grocery store.
What are your best tips on making genuine friends as an adult or mom?
Be the friend that you want to have. Just don't feel like you're inconveniencing someone or bothering them, just show up and text them and show up at their house or drop off a meal and also use Marco polo. I love Marco polo.
What is your favorite podcast to listen to?
Oh, I listen to different ones in different seasons of my life. Right now. I'm really enjoying Relatable by Allie Beth Stuckey. I think she has great, concise thoughts and a great biblical view on a lot of the political things that are going on right now.
What's your fave family tradition you have created?
So every birthday we go around the table and share some encouraging words for that person on their birthday. And I think it's so sweet now that my kids are so young. They'll just say like, I like playing with you or I like your snuggles, but I am really excited to see how this will evolve and grow as they get older.
What is the best part of being debt-free?
Just the peace. I’m never anxious about money. We, I know that people aren't waiting on me for money. Yeah. I just have such a peace that we're okay. You know, there's nothing that can replace that. I'm really thankful for that.
Why did you start a podcast?
Every time I feel like the Lord is calling me to do something, I have this burning desire to do it. Like I am ready to get it done and it sometimes can be all consuming. I remember feeling this way when I started my business, I couldn't get enough of it. I felt this way when I started the podcast, I learned everything I could about it. And honestly, I didn't have a ton of support in the beginning. A lot of my close friends and family were discouraging me from doing it just because the timing felt pretty off with closing my photography business. I had a four month old baby at the time, but I just knew it was like something I really wanted to do and God was really drawing me to do it. So I think that's why.
How do you handle toddlers with grace and patience?
Oh, I don't always, I don't always handle them with grace and patience. The book Parenting with Love and Logic, which is actually last week's episode, Episode 099. It has helped me kind of calm down my emotions on the really crazy days. And it's just taught me, like I don't have to tolerate their crazy tantrums and attitudes. They can just go to a different room. Nope, you don't talk to me like that, just go to a different room. I don't have to engage in it. So it's just kind of eye-opening, I love reading parenting books cause they help you cope and deal with things, but I don't always handle it with grace and patience. I think when I do have solid boundaries and make them go to a different room, that does help me handle it with grace and patience, for sure.
What is your favorite time of day?
The very first 30 minutes of my day when it's still dark outside and I'm drinking my coffee and everyone's still asleep. It's lovely.
Your friend is in need: how do you like to care for them?
Meal ordering. It is so easy! in this day and age, It's so easy to just go onto the Panera app or Chipotle or pizza, and just order it for them and it just shows up at their doorstep and I don't ask them, can I do this for you? I just say, “Hey, food is showing up today at 5:00 PM. Look out for it.” Or I just drop it off on their doorstep and I'm like, “If you can't eat it tonight, just stick it in the fridge, eat it tomorrow.” I think that's the easiest, best way to care for someone.
What's your biggest hope for the next decade?
I think to come out of the toddler years alive and all the young moms said, amen. I think, you know, I mentioned writing a book—that would be really fulfilling and fun for me. I don't know that I'm in a season to do it right now, but I think eventually be really fun. Just to travel and make memories with my family. Like I want this next decade to be marked with so many memories and yeah, I know it's gonna fly by, but I just want to savor it as much as possible.
You’re stranded on an island. What three snacks do you?
This is I don't, this is hard. I immediately thought of bananas. I love bananas. They're like healthy, quick go-to snack. So bananas, Peanut butter. Is peanut butter snack? Maybe I like peanut butter and crackers. Can it count as one snack? and then chips and salsa because I love chips and salsa.
What are your thoughts on cancel culture?
Yeah. Again, another podcast episode. Okay. It's hard. It's heartbreaking to me. It is very heartbreaking. It also represents something much more serious that's going on right now. And I hope That this isn't true, but I kind of sense that it's the beginning of the end for true free speech, for feeling like you can really speak your mind. Yeah. I certainly feel like right now online, I cannot 100% be myself and that's hard because I want to be, I've always believed in being really transparent, but right now I have not willing to subject myself to a lot of the hateful comments that I know, I know come my way based on some things I've experienced.
So yeah, I think it's vital that we just fight to respect one another's opinions, even if we don't agree with them and to really hold up free speech as an honor and something worth fighting for. So, cancel culture is really sad and it's, it's heartbreaking to me and it's hard. I feel it holding me back and I don't want it to, so there's just a tension there that I'm personally kind of working through and I think a lot of people are, and that's just kind of sad and hard.
What do you say to mama's in the thick of raising little ones and they have no time to pursue their passion?
I am you. Honestly, I read the book Anonymous last year and it was really encouraging. It was all about how Jesus his life was hidden. Like we don't know what the first 30 years of his life was like. Also, I just want to tell you, like you are a mama, you are a wife and you are a person with thoughts and dreams and skills that are valuable. And all of that is who you are. And all of that is valuable, every part of you. And I think the best thing that you can do right now is just to walk in obedience. So if he is asking you to be all in with your kids for a season, do that. If he's not, I mean, I was talking to a friend, she was like, it is the best thing for my family for me to get a job. Like I need to get a job. That is what God is telling me to do. I'm feeling called to that. Like, if that is what the Lord's calling you to do, go do that, get like part-time or full-time help if that's what he wants from you. Those things are between you and the Lord, and don't let anyone else decide that for you, but also know that if He is calling you to be anonymous for a little while or lay down your hopes or dreams for a little while, this season does not last forever. It doesn’t. It feels like it does. I am with you. I am you, but it doesn't last forever and a half to remind myself of that all the time.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
I see myself as more energetic, getting better sleep and feeling more energetic. No, all kidding aside, maybe writing, maybe speaking here, there, maybe hosting more like in-person events or retreats or maybe just continuing what I'm doing now faithfully, like the podcast and being a mom. I don't know, but I can't imagine five years from now. That's crazy. Milly would be 10.
What makes you feel beautiful?
Washing my hair, getting my nails done. I think any, any time I feel clean, it makes feel beautiful and yeah, a little bit of makeup.
What legacy do you hope to leave for your children?
Humility, generosity, personal responsibility, and I think just always pointing them to the eternal, like just an eternal kingdom mindset in everything because yeah, I just pray that my kids would never lose sight that this life is such a quick blip on their radar of eternity, and our choices here affect that forever. So I think kingdom minded and eternity minded is definitely the legacy I want to leave.
If you could live in another state, where would you choose?
Definitely Tennessee because my mom and my sister lived there and it's so fun. It's just a great state. We really enjoy Tennessee, the Nashville area.
Best ice cream in the Raleigh area?
Goodberry’s. Hands down, Goodberry’s. So good—frozen custard.
Your favorite movie growing up?
This sounds really dorky, but it's the only one I could think of. I'm kind of embarrassed to say this on the podcast. Do you remember that old cartoon, A Goofy Movie? I don't know why. I remember watching that movie so many times. I watched it so many times as a kid. I just remember loving that movie. Okay. Moving on.
What’s your fav non-major holiday?
So things that are not Thanksgiving, Christmas or new years, 4th of July all the way we are. So, so into 4th of July, I mean, we love 4th of July. We love living in America. We are so proud to be Americans. Obviously our history is not perfect, but if you look at the world as a whole, all the other countries, civilizations, governments, it is truly so unique. And one of a kind and we love to celebrate just really the brilliance that our founding fathers had when they set this entire nation up. I mean, it's just brilliant to me. There's nowhere else on earth you can live like you do in America. So we love, we love celebrating 4th of July big.
Did you receive some shame for traveling during COVID?
Oh yes, absolutely. Just a few phrases I got were: disappointing, irresponsible and willing to kill other people. So after I got an onslaught of a lot of opinions about that, I had to go on a prayer run and get really sweaty and pray out loud to God and cry a lot and get really upset. And then I could come back and be a normal human to my family again.
How did you pick the names of your kids?
So this is kind of fun. My maiden name is Miller, and that's how we named Milly. but my mom's maiden name was Nance, which is why she named me Nancy. So I kind of carried on that tradition, which is fun—turning the maiden name into a first name. And then Elizabeth is her middle name and that's my middle name, and I love that name. Also, we have a few Elizabeth in our family. Will's mom's name is Elizabeth. And so it's just a great family name.
Lyndon Whitfield is named after her two aunts. So Jess and Sam are some of my best friends just as Will's sister. And Sam is our sister-in-law who married Will's brother. And that's both of their middle names, Jess Lyndon, Samantha Whitfield. So we, she is named totally after her aunts.
And then Beaufort William, so William is obviously my husband's name. Beaufort is the name of a little coastal town here in North Carolina that has been just a big part of our lives and a big part of Will's family's history. I've been going to Beaufort with will and with Jess and their whole family since I was in high school. So it's just a really special place.
What is the baby name that you almost used, but didn't use?
Well, we thought Beaufort was a girl and we called him Rosie the whole time. Rosie Zion was what we were going to name him and never did. So there you go. I don't think that we'd use that one again because it feels that was like him, but it was her, but it was weird. I don't know.
What's your mortgage update?
Our mortgage update is we, well, we have a mortgage still. We were hoping to pay it off by the end of this year. I'm really hoping and praying that we can, I'll definitely do a podcast episode about it and celebrate with you guys when we do. Yeah. That's our mortgage update.
Okay, friend, we only have five more questions left: FIVE MORE and then we hit 100! Hang tight with me.
What are you doing right now to stay sane?
I've really limited my Instagram social media engagement.
I am going to church in person every week in real life, singing my heart out.
I sleep with my phone in another room.
I'm trying to read more.
I pray a lot.
I really try to connect with my close friends in real life.
And I'm just trying to focus on my family. Just, I really believe that is where our focus should be, is just taking care of ourselves and our families right now. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Have you ever dealt with trauma? If so, how did you cope or recover?
Yeah. There's so many books written on this. The answer is yes. We've all had traumas. I've heard it explained there are little T traumas and big T traumas. I haven't always dealt with it in the best way, but it'll catch up to you if you don't deal with it eventually. So thankfully I have been exposed to a lot of great resources. I think counseling is the #1 recommendation I'd have and that's something that we have done and I have done. Restoring the Foundations, that ministry that I mentioned before was a huge part of my healing and growth out of traumas in my life. Recovery groups, small groups, reading books, on different topics related to traumas. They're all out there. You kinda have to go after your healing if you want to be free from it, and it takes time and that's okay.
Do you have any regrets about closing your business?
None. I really don't have any regrets. I'm very thankful for that. I miss it. I really miss it, but I don't have any regrets about closing it.
What is your favorite date night restaurant?
I'd have to say Bar Taco. Bar Taco just never disappoints, their food is so good. I love it. All right.
Last question. Question 100 on the hundredth episode is:
Do you want more kids?
The answer is yes, and I'm excited to announce to my podcast listeners first and foremost, that we are having another baby!
We are pregnant with baby #4 due this July, which is crazy!! I feel like, there's going to be like a million follow-up questions to this hundredth question, but I'm going to leave it at that for now. I wanted this to be a celebratory episode. It is our hundredth episode. It is also a very fun announcement. If you have made it this far, then you are privileged to hear the news first, so thank you for listening, we're very excited. We're excited. I'll just leave it at that.
I wanted to thank my special helpers in today's episode, Milly, Lyndon, and Beaufort. I love you three so much.
“See you next time. Bye! Have a good life.” - Milly Ray
