Gina Zeidler

New goals, who dis? 🥴

But really it has been a HOT HOT minute since I have done a monthly goals post. And I’m not quite sure how to feel about it at the moment. But I’m going to give it a try.

(How’s that for starting three sentences with conjunctions? I digress.)

Here’s what I know. I have been in my feelings about a lot of things lately, and rightfully so. It’s been a challenging year of sickness, a year of adding a 4th kid to our tribe, and a year of not writing or working or creating much at all. I’ve felt a little bit lost, while feeling so very happy to be growing our family. Motherhood is something else, isn’t it?

When you feel lost, it’s hard to know where to start again. So I’m just going back to what feels like me: writing, taking pictures because I love to, and even writing down a few goals for this month. (If you didn’t know, this is something I did every. single. month. for years and years and years. I don’t think I missed a monthly goals blogpost for 8 years straight when the NRP blogpost was alive and well!) This blog is the perfect little house for those things.

I feel some fear doing this, as weird as that sounds. I used to do this all the time, and now… I just don’t. It’s easier to not have goals. It’s harder to set goals and then not reach them.

I’d also like to add that it’s been a much needed break for me, and there’s no rule that says you have to publish goals for them to be real. I’ve had plenty of goals that no one has seen or known about, and that has been very good for me in this season. I’ve also had months of not setting official goals, and that has been good for me, too.

But I remember the simple act of writing down what I wanted to do and sharing it on my blog, and how it held me to something. It made me stop and think, “what do I really want to do with this precious month.” Whether or not anyone ever read it, I knew I had put it out there, and I had thoughtfully curated my list, and I knew it really was something I wanted to do because only the most important things made it.

So, hey September! I’m gonna set my goals again and try it out here and see how this sits.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it.”

— Dale Carnegie

This quote is perfect for me right now, not because I want to take action on my goals (which I do), or take action in some grandiose way, but because I’m afraid of writing and sharing them. The simple act of writing will hopefully breed a bit more confidence and courage in me.

SEPTEMBER GOALS

• Blog once a week

• Start our Christmas shopping list and budget

• Choose 5 go-to fall outfits

• Implement theme hours for my 1 work day (household, deep work, emails + communication, spiritual growth, etc)

• Edit all 2022 photos through August

• Benji’s baby book

• Podcast content plan for Q4 2022 and Q1 2023

• Write out a music project that’s been on my mind

Have you benefitted from sharing your goals? Or do you like to keep them to yourself?

Back in my prime blogging days, when I was building Nancy Ray Photography and speaking at conferences and doing all the things, I remember someone attended an event I was speaking at and shared all that she wanted to do. I was cheering her on to create this business and work that she was so excited for!

I checked back in on her blog a few months later, to see what she was up to. She had one blogpost up, announcing she was pregnant and had been so sick for months, she couldn’t really muster the strength to do much of anything. And I remember two thoughts that crossed my mind:

• I was so sad that she wasn’t able to do all the things she wanted to do.

• Then I thought, “maybe she could have still done them and mustered the strength to work through her pregnancy!”

How incredibly naive I was.

How incredibly narrow my view of life was.

I’m honestly a bit sad and quite embarrassed to type those words - a confession of sorts of a pretty ugly side of myself that exalted work as the highest achievement in life. But now, I have so much compassion on her. I understand the feeling of being sick and not being able to muster the strength to do anything. And now I have so much JOY for her! Knowing she was doing her best work, growing life, caring for her body, putting other things on pause to focus on a beautiful, lasting dream of building a family.

And, I relate so much to the feeling of not being able to do work that you really want to do. Putting some dreams on hold. And how feeling sick is just dang hard.

While I’m not sick with morning sickness from pregnancy, we (me and my four kids) have been sick for most of this year, with little bouts of wellness between that don’t last very long. (Will’s immune system is apparently amazing - he’s only been sick once!) And I don’t have much to show for this season of my life work-wise, but I can tell you that we are all still alive and have started school, so that’s a win!

Below I’m writing out our sicknesses… mostly for myself to look back on, so I can say “No, I was not exaggerating. That year was no joke.” Here we go:

December was strep throat over Christmas. (I cried… a lot.)
January into February was Covid and ear infections.
March was the stomach bug
April was triple ear infections and a throat infection and another round of the stomach bug.
May was another Benji ear infection.
June was fevers and croupy coughs - Milly missed most of summer camp and almost went to the ER
July was an intense ear infection in the middle of a trip to the mountains, followed by fevers and coughs for me and all the kids, including losing my voice for a week. (We were all sick for a solid 2 weeks)
August was ear tubes surgery for Benji, followed by strep throat for me and 2 kids, which came right on the heels of that last, awful lose my voice cough and fevers sickness.

And today, August 31st, I’m heading back into the doctor for another strep test, and taking Benji for his follow up appointment with the ENT because he’s been pulling on his ears with a fever on and off the last few days.

And here’s the thing - I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting some sickness in this list. I just cannot remember them all.

I am exhausted.

In fact, it has been so difficult for me caring for myself and all of these sick kiddos all year that I’ve started going to counseling every week. Because my mental game has been on the decline, and I’ve been feeling quite hopeless.

There are so many reasons it has felt so hard for me personally. It’s a lot to feel so needed all the time, and to have a lot of needs myself that feel out of reach. Most fun things we had planned this summer were somehow affected by sickness. Trips and camps were cut short or cancelled altogether. My travel anxiety has gone up quite a bit. Playdates postponed. Looking forward to the gym/pool, and then not going to the gym for weeks. All of my work I’ve wanted to do for my podcast or here on my blog, either completely dropped or I barely made them happen. Not to mention the day to day snuggles, nursing while both me and the baby had fevers, cooking, cleaning (so much laundry to keep things sickness free), sleepless nights, and so many visits to the pediatrician. And I think the hardest part was that I was looking forward to summer, because surely we wouldn’t be sick in the summer!

As weird as this is gonna sound, I’m gonna type it anyway: I totally feel like I’m having a mid life crisis.

Everything has been taken off my plate by all this sickness. Plans, dreams, all of it. And as we start the school year, I’m getting really deep about all of it and asking some pretty beautiful and difficult questions:

What do I want to add back into my life?
What is worth keeping, and what needs to go?
What work do I want to be doing anyway, and why?
How do I make plans and look forward to them again?

This is my blogpost, just like that girl, who said “I’m going to do all these things, but I’ve just been sick. So this is what I’ve got.”

And this is me, looking at myself with compassion, trying to remind myself that even though this year feels hijacked with sickness, I’m still doing my best work, growing life under our roof, caring for our bodies, putting other things on pause to focus on a beautiful, lasting dream of building a family.

And this year of sickness is a chapter in that book, but not the whole book.

One thing I know is that sickness can be incredibly isolating. My hope for this blogpost is that I’ll never forget this year, that I’ll never forget how hard it is for mamas when littles are sick, and that if another mama is reading this and has had a similar year, that you’d not feel quite as alone.

I wrote a blogpost titled “Hi, I’m back!” last year about this time. It was all about how excited I was to get back to blogging. I know better now, and I won’t promise anything. But in uncovering some answers to the question “what do I want to add back into my life?” blogging has come up again and again.

I miss writing. I miss photography. And while I’m not sure how consistent I’ll be, I hope to post a bit more, for no other reason than to answer that one question. 💞

One of the best things we can do is remember. It doesn’t come naturally to me on the brink of a new year as I’m constantly planning and looking forward, but it’s a practice I’m committed to because we are a forgetful people. My favorite tradition that Will and I have is our Christmas Date Night - it’s a beautiful evening set aside for us to enjoy a delicious meal, twinkle lights, and to make a list of everything that happened that year. And every single year, we remember a whole lot more happened than we thought. “Oh I forgot about that!” “Gosh that was this year?!” “Wow that was such a fun trip.”

And every few years, we have a momentous year : one that carries so many significant milestones and events that it leaves a mark on our hearts and changes our trajectory for the future. 2021 was a momentous year for us.

The birth of our fourth child. 5 incredible trips taken. Paid off our house. Significant growth in Will’s work, and a sabbatical in mine. Joined a new church. 2021 felt like a home and heart reset. And it was good.

I’m thrilled to share the highlights of 2021 here on my blog, even though it was all recorded in my journal just the other night. It’s fun and sweet to share in the good stuff together! And while I’m thinking about it, don’t forget to visit the blogs of these dear friends who are sharing their best ofs with me: Emily / Sam / Steph / Lisa

Here we go!

BEST OF 2021

Best adventure / travel / trip: We had so many wonderful travel memories this year! These five trips were all so much fun, I can’t bear to leave one out: Great Wolf Lodge (just our family while I was pregnant), St Thomas (Babymoon / Anniversary / Work Celebration trip - just me and Will for a whole week!), Florida road trip to a wedding and Disney World (with extended family), Blackberry Farm (just me, my mom, my sister and my neice for my Mom’s 70th birthday!) and Blowing Rock for 10 days over Thanksgiving!

Best book : Up from Slavery was incredibly inspiring, and I loved The Gospel comes with a House Key so much - especially knowing the author lives about 20 minutes from my house!

Best movie : In the Heights was a really fun watch. Lin Manual Miranda is crazy talented.

Best tv show : Ted Lasso is hilarious and so good. It reminds me of a guy version of Gilmore Girls with its fast pace and cultural references, and I’m loving the character development (although I could do without it’s over the top focus on sex)!

Best album or song : Belovedness by Sarah Kroger is beautiful

Best follow on IG : Being that I’ve been off IG for almost 5 months, the accounts I think about and miss are Cameron and Brooke - twin sisters I know and love - and Shay Cochrane who is just a delightful friend, mama, and business owner.

Best kiddo milestone : Milly learning to read. After being her co-teacher for 2 years, it makes me so proud to see her hard work finally click! Lyndon’s obsession with coloring and drawing, Beaufort’s conversation skills and scootering, and Benji’s smiling, which seems to take over his entire body with joy!

Best faith grower : Giving birth to Benji at home. So many prayers, counseling, and crying out to Jesus just in preparation! The actual day he arrived was full of God’s presence as I continued to worship and pray and trust throughout the whole process.

Best trend you tried : Curtain bangs! Yes - I got bangs!

Best beauty purchase : Olive and June nail polish from Target

Best family memory : Before Benji : Disney World! After Benji : Dressing up like the Lion King and trick or treating in our neighborhood for Halloween

Best habit you created : The first thing that came to my mind was “feeding Benji every 3 hours) haha! Breastfeeding can be considered a habit, right? ; In addition to that, I’ve started going to the gym just in the last 2 weeks and it has been so life giving!

Favorite blogpost written : Benji’s Birth Story. But I’m going to steal this one from Emily’s blog and share it with you because I just read it this week and it wrecked me in the best way.

Best new recipe : Joanna Gaines’ Mac n Cheese was a crowdpleaser at Thanksgiving!

Best life or mom hack : Having a dark blanket and this little sound machine has kept Benji asleep through many preschool drop offs and pick ups, as well as errands! Baby #4 has to learn to be on the go, but I also really prioritize sleep for my babies, so it’s a win win.

Best mama moment : Preparing Milly for a home birth (we ready so many books and watched loves of births on youtube), and then having her with me through my labor and delivery. She would pour water on my back, rub my arms, and encourage me. I never could have imagined my firstborn helping me through labor and delivery of my fourth born! What a gift.

Also, getting out of the house with all 4 kids by myself for the first time! Felt like I conquered the world.

Best home improvement : We bought a deep freezer - does that count as a home improvement?

Best little luxury you’ve enjoyed : I’m obsessed with these super fuzzy throw blankets from Homegoods and I’ve bought three of them. I cozy up with them every evening and every morning and they feel so soft and luxurious!

Grateful for a wonderful 2021, and I can’t wait to see what 2022 holds!