Read Part One of Milly’s birth story here.  Beautiful Photos by my dear friend Cheyenne Schultz. Thank you. We will treasure these forever.

We checked into the hospital around 11pm. I had lost all concept of time, and everything at this point everything is very fuzzy in my memory. I was completely in a different place mentally and physically, focusing all of my energy on the work before me. I remember being shocked to find out it was 11pm – I thought it was much earlier! We were delivering at a brand new hospital, and it was like a ghost town. It had only opened its doors 2 weeks prior, and we were the only ones there to deliver a baby! It was pretty great. Instead of triage, I was escorted straight to a labor and deliver room since all of them were empty.

Upon arrival, I was 5 cm and 95% effaced. I was hoping to be further along, but I was also grateful I wasn’t going to be sent home. I hugged my mom and sent her home to get some sleep. After monitoring the baby’s heart rate for a while on the bed, I was glad to get off the bed and back onto the birth ball. I sat on it a while, leaning over the hospital bed while Will rubbed my back. Gracious, that back labor was intense.

Will put on his swimsuit and we headed to the shower. The warm water felt amazing on my lower back, so I sat on the birth ball for a while and Will coached me through each contraction. A few minutes later, we heard the nurses come in and say we had to get out! The water from my shower was leaking all over the ER downstairs, and we had to change rooms! Hilarious.

I put on a robe and scurried to my new room between contractions. We hopped right back into the shower because it was my favorite way to labor. Sitting on the birth ball relieved my shaky legs, and the warm water was soothing. My contractions took a new course, and I found myself yelling as my entire body took over. I was on a ride, and my entire body was heaving and pushing our baby down. It was painful and intense and incredible. I felt my water break while in the shower, and we called the nurse in to check me again. I was 7 cm, but she said my water did not break! I knew that it did, but she explained it was probably a high leak, so every time I had a contraction it would squeeze out a little bit of water. Back to the shower I went and continued to labor until 2:30am, when it became so intense I couldn’t help but push. At this point, I knew I had to be checked because I was getting close.

I was 9cm and 100% effaced, but my bag of waters had still not broken. The nurse said I was close enough to call in the doctor! Dr. Jacobs arrived and checked me, then asked if he could break my water. I said YES, please! Anything to make things progress! When I got on the bed and he broke my water, things became crazy. I remember it being the most intense pain when the contraction would come. I was writhing and yelling and just trying to cope – I was definitely in transition. Will later told me this was the hardest part for him to watch… he felt so helpless. I felt helpless too, and really ready to have our baby.

Just a few minutes later the Doctor checked me and said it was time to push! Let me say – I have never exerted so much physical energy in my life. I was giving this baby everything I had left in me. I pushed on my side, on all fours, on my back. My leg started cramping up making matters worse. I remember hearing Cheyenne’s voice and Will’s voice only. Will would coach me how to breathe, then how to control my voice and hold my breath. Cheyenne kept saying “good work, good work!” and that the nurses were warming up the table, waiting for my baby. That encouragement and coaching was exactly what I needed. I really could not have done that without them.

I had a longer break between contractions at this point, and before my final pushes I turned to everyone in the room and said, “Final guesses, everyone! Boy or girl?” Cheyenne: “boy!”, Toni: “boy!”, Will: “boy!” and I said, “boy!” The doctor said girl, but I didn’t find that out until later because I soon began pushing again.

I remember having waves of fear come over me, and I was afraid to push. Then I remember hearing the Holy Spirit say, “Don’t fear the pain, Nancy. Embrace it.” As soon as I made the decision to embrace the pain no matter what happened, I felt peace and determination like never before. It was go time. Every ounce of strength I had left, I gave to this pushing.

I felt the pain, and I heard the doctor saying he could see the baby’s head. He was wondering why I wasn’t making more progress because I was pushing so effectively. In the next push he said, “Oh! Here’s the problem.” And he pulled a tiny hand out from beside the baby’s head. Our baby was face up, a much more difficult position to deliver, leading the way with a tiny hand… making matters even more difficult.

I was yelling. I was trying not to, but I couldn’t help it. I would hold my breath, push, then yell. I wanted to badly to stop yelling because my throat was burning, but there was no stopping this train. Through the yelling and listening to Will and Cheyenne, I heard a different voice saying “Shh! Shh! Shh! Look at me! Look at me! Shhh!” I opened my eyes and the Doctor was looking straight at me saying “Look at me!” trying to get my attention.

“Reach down and grab your baby.”

What?! Did he really just say that? I reached down, and with Will’s help, delivered my sweet baby onto my chest. We immediately started crying our eyes out. It was so surreal. We finally had our baby.

Will had asked to be the one to announce the gender in the hospital room, but we were so smitten with the fact that we had our baby that he forgot! “So, what is it?!” One of the nurses asked. Will said, “Oh my gosh I forgot to look!” and with that, he announced “It’s a girl!” and we all laughed. I looked at our baby girl and smiled and said, “You tricked us! You’re a girl!”

Milly Elizabeth was born at 3:08am on May 26th, 2015.
Meeting my baby girl was one of the sweetest, most incredible moments of my life.

After snuggling her a few more minutes, the Doctor let me know that I had to have surgery. There was some significant internal tearing that could only be repaired with a spinal block in the OR. It was definitely ironic, being that I fought my hardest the past 24 hours to not use drugs, but I was grateful in that moment that I was in a hospital, in the hands of an experienced doctor. I was wheeled away, leaving my sweet girl in the arms of her Daddy for an hour, as they did “skin to skin contact.” These images are definitely some of our favorites. I was overwhelmingly thankful and peaceful as I was being wheeled away. Just knowing that Will and our baby were together brought me so much joy as I lay on the operating table.

I really can’t think of a better way to summarize this birth story than to say what an incredible man, husband, birth coach, and father William Ray is. I would not and could not have had a natural childbirth without him by my side. As I fought fears (with tears) throughout pregnancy, he spoke life over me. As I labored through every contraction, he was right there with me. Even when he had been up for over 24 hours, he never gave up on me, never offered me anything but words of strength, a hand to squeeze, encouragement, and endless back massages. I have never been more proud to be married to this man than I was after I delivered our baby. I know without a shadow of a doubt he’s not going anywhere, ever. My love for him has grown so deep, it’s hard to explain. I love you, William Ray.

After surgery, they wheeled me back into the room with my sweet family. It was 6:00am, and the sun was beginning to rise.

We named her Milly Elizabeth Ray.

This sweet film has me in tears every time I watch it. If the photographs weren’t enough of a gift, The Schultzes put together this incredible slideshow capturing Milly’s arrival. Grab some tissues, friends…

Music: "Just You" by Amy Stroup themusicbed.com

Baby Milly from The Schultzes on Vimeo.

Beautiful Photos by my dear friend Cheyenne Schultz. Thank you. We will treasure these forever.

I didn’t fully realize what a life changing experience Milly’s birth would be. I have learned to surrender my plans to the Lord’s throughout my pregnancy, and I learned to surrender to Him in a very real way during Milly’s birth. To provide a bit of context to my story, we decided to have a natural childbirth, free of medication. I was on the fence about this decision until taking our Bradley Birth Classes (“Husband coached childbirth”), which provided such helpful knowledge that educated myself and Will of the benefits of doing this naturally. In addition to the helpful information, I had this gut feeling that I should trust that God has given me everything I need to give birth. I had a lifelong fear of natural childbirth, and I felt Him calling me to overcome it. We have no judgement towards anyone who thinks and chooses differently than we did about labor and delivery – it is a deeply personal decision. I simply thought it helpful to give a bit of background before sharing our story. With that said, here is the story of how Milly Elizabeth Ray entered into our lives…

My first contraction woke me up at 3:30am on May 25th. I wasn’t sure if it was a contraction or not, but a similar feeling of cramps woke me up again each hour until 6:30am, when I started timing them. After I timed a few at 10 minutes a part while laying in bed, I finally woke Will up around 7am and told him that I think this might be the day our baby would be born! I also said that we shouldn’t get our hopes up, because the cramps might just go away and life could continue as usual. We snuggled a few minutes, then he jumped out of bed and said “we have stuff to do!” He skipped his usual coffee and morning routine in favor of preparing the house, wrapping up work, and loading up our bags in the car. He worked all morning. I had some coffee and prayer, wrote in my journal, and ate a big breakfast, then joined him in preparing for what could be the start of my maternity leave. We contacted my Mama and my friend Cheyenne who would be photographing the birth, to let them know that this could be the day!

The first half of the day consisted of work. I was glad for the distraction, and I had several blogpost drafts and emails to finish. We had been working for months to launch our new brand, and I after finishing the final touches on the website just 2 days prior, I wanted to make sure everything was set and ready to go. I worked in the studio while having contractions until Noon, then Will made me a big hummus and veggie sandwich for lunch. The contractions were slowly getting stronger throughout the morning, but I could still have a conversation and eat. I would just pause and breathe a little slower as I ate my sandwich. Meanwhile, my Mom was catching a flight (which was quite the task on Memorial day) and Cheyenne was packing her bags.

I was timing contractions throughout the day with my Pregnancy Plus app – my favorite app throughout pregnancy. With a full belly and manageable contractions, we decided to rest. I took a shower and laid on the bed for a while, and Will put on a Calming Christian Playlist on Spotify that allowed me to pray and worship while trying to sleep. I never actually fell asleep and neither did he, but it was nice to just lay on my side and rest for a while. It really wasn’t until this point that I believed this was it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, so the entire morning I kept telling myself “these could stop at any minute. This might be a false alarm.” At this point, I realized there was no turning back.

(Above: we were laughing as we felt our baby’s hiccups!) After resting, I curled my hair and finished gathering my things. I’ll never forget putting in 3-4 rollers at a time, then having to bend over the bed to breathe for a minute, then going back to the curlers to continue the process. I put on my favorite pregnancy shirt – one of will’s softest t-shirts – and gym shorts. Simply getting ready took so long, but I didn’t mind it. I enjoyed having small tasks to focus on between contractions for most of the morning, until things began to change around 3:30 in the afternoon.

I started to have a difficult time talking through the contractions. All of the intensity was located down low, like cramps, and in my lower back. My contractions were 3-4 minutes apart at this point, lasting 45 seconds. Will called Cheyenne and said it was time for her to come. The car was loaded and the work was complete, so all we had to focus on was the work of labor ahead of us. My sweet Mother in law had just picked up my Mom from the airport, and they both stopped by to hug and encourage me.

Cheyenne arrived late that afternoon, and my contractions had slowed down a bit, to 5 minutes apart. We sat on the couch with her for a while, just talking. At first I was nervous and didn’t want to become “undone” in front of her, which is laughable considering all that she witnessed that day. It was so sweet to have her there with us! Will and I decided to take a short walk together, to hopefully get things moving. With Cheyenne’s encouragement, we then decided to order dinner and allow Will to sleep for a while. We called my Mom to come over, so she and Cheyenne could be with me while Will slept. Toni, our dear friend who would be filming, was on her way to get some footage and she brought Will and Cheyenne some pizza, while I ate some peanut butter crackers.

Let me pause here and tell you that I was convinced I would not be noisy when in labor. Will and I took a Bradley Birth Class (which we loved), and I would laugh at the women in the DVDs who would moan and make crazy noises. Let’s face it – it’s really an odd and funny thing to witness when you’re not actually going through it! I told Will that I thought I’d be a quiet laboring woman. Boy was I wrong!

Right when Will was ready to head upstairs to take a nap, the moaning began. I was trying to hold it back, but I couldn’t. Simply put, making noise just helped. My mom had just arrived, and at that point I looked at Will and told him I didn’t want him going anywhere. I needed him with me! Poor guy didn’t get the nap he really needed, but it’s just how it was. My mom would lay her hand on me and just say “Jesus.” Calling on His name was exactly what I needed for the hours ahead, and hearing my Mom’s prayers refocused me on the One who would give me the strength to go on. The Lord knew I needed to hear my Mom’s prayers at that specific time, just as things turned a corner.

From 7pm until 11pm I had my most intense active labor at home. Will called the hospital to let them know I would be coming soon. My contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting on average for 1 minute each. I was moaning with each one, trying to drink as much coconut water as possible in between. I stayed much of the time on the birth ball, leaning on Will. My legs began to shake, and it was difficult to do anything that required my legs to hold me up. I took a bath around 10pm, and with each contraction my legs were shaking like crazy in the tub. It was at this point that we started talking about leaving for the hospital. Being that we live in a 3 story townhouse and I was on the 3rd floor taking a bath, I just wanted to be sure that I could make it down 2 flights of stairs with my shaky legs! I threw on a dress, and as soon as contraction was finished I’d tackle one flight of stairs. A few more contractions, then I tackled the next flight of stairs and got into the car with Will. Mom and Cheyenne followed behind. We were on our way!

Exciting News

My Journey with Baby Ray - Part 1

My Journey with Baby Ray - Part 2

Two weeks from today. Is this real? Really, it could happen today, or 3 weeks from today… it’s up to baby at this point! Only the Lord knows when he or she will arrive!

This past weekend was a big finish line for me: I finished planning my maternity leave with my team, I photographed my last wedding at 9 months pregnant, and the new hospital where I’ll be delivering had their grand opening. Mother’s Day was sweet in SO many ways! I had crossed those major finish lines. Not only did I cry my eyes out in church because of God’s goodness to me, I felt such relief. So many things I wanted to accomplish came to pass, and here I sit – two weeks from my due date.

Don’t get me wrong – we still have a ways to go! The nursery isn’t done. I still have a lot of work to accomplish before officially going on maternity leave on Friday. My house still needs to be cleared of lots of clutter. We apparently need to go on lots of dates, take lots of naps, and go to the movies. I have to finish the design for my new website. I have to have a few more wrap-up phone chats, meetings, and appointments. But you know what? I feel peace, and I’m so grateful for the season that is just around the corner.

My Journey with Baby Ray in pregnancy is almost over, and the real journey is about to begin! It’s hard to believe I’m at this point. All of the anxieties and fears I experienced early in pregnancy have turned into this great love and sense of anticipation. I never felt the strong desire to get pregnant or have babies throughout my life, but God knew my heart better than I did. I do want this. I don’t know what to expect these next few weeks, but I want it.

I want the ugly, hard, up-all-hours, newborn and toddler family life with Will and this little baby.
I want the beautiful, cry-my-eyes-out, surreal moment when I get to meet my son or daughter for the first time.
I want to hear Will say, “It’s a ____!”
I want the laughter while changing diapers, the joy of seeing a tiny face that I helped create, the overwhelming sense of worship that I’ll feel when I witness and partake in a new life coming into the world.
I want the physical challenges, pain, and sacrifice that is required of me to birth and care for a baby in the months to come.
I want the hard decisions of parenting, the hard discussions I’ll have with Will, the hard conversations we’ll eventually have with this little one, and the joy we’ll share in raising and guiding this little one what we’ve learned about life so far.
I want the traditions and memories.
I want a family.
I want this sweet baby.

Ultimately, I want to surrender to all of it – this beautiful season God has called me to.

The word that God spoke over me in the first days of this journey will continue to encourage and sustain me, as I surrender myself to Him. Here’s to meeting a very special person in the next few days / weeks!

•••

On a practical note : my maternity leave begins this Friday, May 15th. Callie will be managing the blog while I’m away, but I will still be popping in here and there to blog about life as a family of 3! My self imposed rule is that I will only blog if it’s fun for me. Otherwise, I’ll be snuggling and napping and soaking this season in. Stay in touch… You’ll be hearing from Callie here on the blog as soon as Baby Ray arrives!