It’s our last post!! Friend, this is it! We are officially finished with the “How we do it” series, by yours truly and the amazing Emily Thomas. I hope you have enjoyed learning all about the rhythms and routines that make our lives go ’round. If you missed any of the posts, I highly encourage you to bookmark this page and come back to it. I, for one, learned SO much from reading Emily’s systems, organization habits, and routines that I will be coming back for years to come!

A recap of How We Do It:

Time: Em’s post and Nancy’s post
Finances: Em’s post and Nancy’s post
Home: Emily’s post and Nancy’s post
Personal Life: Em’s post and Nancy’s post
Work: Em’s post and Nancy’s Post
Relationships: Emily’s post and Nancy’s post
Spiritual Lives: Emily’s post and Nancy’s post
Today: Read Em’s post about Kids!

Today is all about our KIDS! I am fairly new at being a mama (I’m only 2.5 years in), but one thing I have learned in this journey: this area of your life can get super overwhelming super fast if you don’t stay on top of things.

There are a million different ways I could approach this post, and I’m very curious to see how Emily does it! I’ve decided on sharing six categories and how I approach each one!

Parenting
Work
Time
Clothes
Memories (Baby Books, Photos, Artwork, etc)
Toys

PARENTING

There are countless resources on parenting, but I just wanted to leave you with one resources that has really helped me and Will this year. Positive Parenting Solutions is an online course that has brought order to my brain as a mama, structure to our discipline, and calm to our bedtime routines. In a nutshell, I have really felt like it has organized my approach to parenting, which is why I had to include it here. Two of the biggest benefits of this course? It got Lyndon sleeping through the night after a really rough spell, and it has made mealtimes much more peaceful with a picky toddler. Talk about organizing your parenting!! Amy McCready has a wonderful way of teaching, and she also makes herself available to answer your questions every week. I promise this isn’t an ad – I really have enjoyed this course and it’s helped us in such practical ways. If nothing else, just watch her free webinars or get on her newsletter if you can. She really sends such valuable stuff! (Fun fact: I actually participated in the filming of it, so if you decide to purchase it, you will see me inside of it!)

WORK

One thing that Em said in her Organization in Work post was that she really appreciates having regular childcare as a working mama. I couldn’t help but chime in here and simply say that I agree. Here’s how I organize my working mama life: I work 3 days a week (T, W and Th) from 8 – 5. Mondays I’ll work a bit while Milly’s in preschool and while the girls are napping, but only if I want to. I’ve found this routine really fulfilling for me as a mama and a business owner. The majority of my week with family, and 3 days working. (With Milly and Lyndon visits, too!) I might even scale it back to 2 days a week in the future when hopefully more kiddos join our family – time will tell! But having our wonderful nanny Michelle keep the girls those 3 days keeps me focused and able to do both jobs well.

TIME

There are two specific things that have helped me tremendously “time and kids” category:

1. Schedule “mind body soul time” every day with each kid. This is something that I learned in the Positive Parenting Course I mentioned above : 10 minutes a day, undistracted, connected time with each kid. I call it “Mama Milly Time” and “Mama Lyndon Time.” When you give your kids the positive attention they crave, they feel connected and more and act out less. This has been so true for us. Not to mention, it makes me feel incredibly fulfilled as a mama. Even if it was a crazy day, I gave my girls the undivided attention they deserved, even if just for 20 minutes!

2. Allow for more time to do regular household chores so you can invite your kids in. My sister told me this when I didn’t know what to do with Milly all day. “Just invite her in. Let her sit on the bed with you and watch you as you fold laundry.” I try to do that as much as I can. Now sometimes, let’s be real – the TV goes on so I get get some things done quickly and efficiently. But as often as I can, I ask “my little helper girl” to help me – and she LOVES it.

CLOTHES

I called my sister in absolute tears. “You have FIVE kids. How in the world did you keep their clothes organized? I’m so overwhelmed! As soon as I clean out her clothes, it’s time to do it again! This first year of her life is crazy! Why didn’t I remember this with Milly?”

Kids grow freakishly fast. Clothes organization is KEY. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shoved Milly’s little piggy toes into jammies that were too small because I couldn’t find the right ones, and I still had plenty of too-small-clothes in her drawers. (Also, I shove my kids piggies into my all time favorites because let’s be real – I want them to last as long as they possibly can!)

That conversation happened about a month ago. I was a mess. So, I’m calling on some wisdom here. My sister, mama of 5, has the system down to an art. I am STILL learning it. But here is her answer to my cry-fest of 2017, and it has saved my butt!

Pretend like this is your big sister with 5 kids texting you. Thanks Sissy!

1. 1) Buy 2 sturdy Rubbermaid containers. One for Lyndon and one for Milly. Each year you buy the same type. So they stack nicely. Once you know you are done having kids, you don’t have to buy a rubber maid for the youngest child! Just pass those clothes along!

2. 2) Label each container on outside with whatever size girls are growing out of: i.e. Girls clothes size 2T FALL/WINTER OR SPRING/SUMMER You may want to use 1 Rubbermaid for “SUMMER baby girl clothes”-1 year and divide it out NB/ 0-3/3-6/6-9/9-12 with in one container bc those clothes are so tiny!

3. 3) Sort the clothes. Depending on how much energy you have… make a ‘capsule’ wardrobe for them. For example I do:

   • 3 dresses for Church

   • 7 shirts

   • 3 pants

   • 3 leggings

   • 10 Undies (esp for potty training years)

   • 7 Socks

   • 1 big coat*

   • 1 light jacket*

   • Mittens/ hats*

   • 2-3 Bathing suits*

   • Shoes (1 pair tennis shoes/ 1 pair boot* or Sandals* / 1 pair Sunday shoes- if boots or sandals can’t work)
     *seasonal

   This is all that goes into the box with a list on top. Then I am not packing away crazy excess. I choose my favorite things for them to wear and it is so exciting to open that box again!! When I don’t have the energy to do this, I just throw same size all in to a box and sort the next time I need to pull it out.

4. Put excess clothes and borrowed clothes into separate bags. Give away/ return to friend or donate.

5. Other tips:

   • keep an old empty diaper box in top of closet and throw clothes that they grow out of in that. Or clothes that frustrate you/ you don’t like.

   • label clothes from friends right away that you have to return. I usually put their initials in the tag.

   • if you get clothes ahead of season (ie: next fall- get another Rubbermaid that just says “next season.” Toss those clothes in there so they don’t clutter up drawers and closets)

6. Put Rubbermaid bin away. Fold all other clothes and put away in drawers and closets!

Wasn’t that the best??

I also LOVE Valerie’s approach to keeping her kids wardrobe SIMPLE. This is key, friends. I’ve gotten really good at giving away kids clothes I simply don’t like or that Milly doesn’t like. It eliminates lots of stress!

MEMORIES

I want to keep my babies memories simple and intentional. I organize my kids memories in 3 places:

1. Baby Books – 1 for each kid (I love the Emily Ley Baby Book best)

2. Family Yearbooks – We make 1 each year. I figured at the end of our lives all our kids can just divide these up! Take a look at how I organize all of our digital photos here.

3. Memory Boxes – I am committed to keeping 1 big tupperware box (nothing fancy) of schoolwork / artwork / memories for each child. That’s it. I’m sure it’s easy for me to say now when my kids are still so little, but I truly don’t want to keep clothes and papers that are so overwhelming they take over my attic. I really want to keep life simple and only keep the most important memories confined to the space of a tupperware box!

The idea with these memories is that I’ll hang onto all of them for my own enjoyment my whole life, but when I pass on to heaven it’ll be an easy way to give things to the kids. Each kid gets 1 baby book, 1 tupperware box of memories, and 5-10 family yearbooks. Meaningful, but not overwhelming!

Favorite picture by the amazing Gina Zeidler. Do you notice the pee on my leg? It was potty training weekend!

TOYS

Before I ever got pregnant, I feared toys the most. Light up, loud toys are my nemesis. Okay they don’t bother me quite as badly as they used to, but I certainly prefer a child’s imagination over a flashy toy.

Now, my biggest philosophy is simply that kids don’t need a ton of toys. I actually believe they focus on and play with fewer toys better, because they can actually see the toy they have!

All of Milly and Lyndon’s toys fit in 2 cabinets in our living room hutch. When it starts to get over crowded (namely at birthdays and Christmas), it’s clean out time. I will store toys that Milly has grown out of in the attic, and I will clear out toys she’s just not interested in and give them away. We also send out a suggested birthday and Christmas list of toys, and we aim to keep them educational, simple, and without the flashy lights and noises!

Lastly, I’m reading a book with the Nancy Ray Book Club right now that is incredible. It’s called “The Tech Wise Family.” In the day and age we live in, “Technology” could also have been it’s own category on this post. Since I’m not quite there yet, I wanted to leave you with the recommendation to read Tech Wise Family and determine how to organize technology in your home.

Well that’s it, friends! The How we do it series is officially a wrap. I would love to hear 2 things specifically in the comments, if you are brave enough to answer:

1. Which post did you find most interesting?
2. If you could ask me to write about something else on my blog, what would it be?

From the bottom of our hearts, thanks for following along!

To Read Lyndon’s Birth Story Part One, click here.

8:05PM
We got checked in, made it to the room, and the nurse checked me: 7 centimeters!

I was pretty thrilled about that! I labored in the bed with the heart monitor strapped around my belly. Goodness labor was intense at this point. I remember feeling hot, and my prepared mama busted out her American flag fans and kept us all cool! I loved having her there. She knew just what to do to keep me calm and comfortable, just like moms do.

After about 40 minutes or so, I really felt like I needed to push and I asked the nurse to check me again. I KNEW I had made progress because things were picking up with such intensity.

7 centimeters.

Forreal? Listen, I know it’s only been 30 minutes, but things were DIFFERENT. Or so I thought. But I continued to labor and wait and take it one contraction at a time.

I had Sissy and Will trade off reading scripture over me. My two books I used over and over again: My Pregnancy Prayer Journal and Supernatural Childbirth. Both come equipped with labor verses, and Supernatural Childbirth has the most amazing delivery prayer in the back. I remember yelling “LOUDER” at one point because I couldn’t hear my sweet sister’s voice over my own moaning, haha! Bless my sweet sister’s heart. Best doula ever.

I decided to try to pee (sorry, but nothing is TMI in birth stories, so if weird lingo freaks you out you can stop reading now), knowing that it might relieve some bladder pressure and the vertical position helped the contractions intensify. I labored on the toilet for a while because my shaky legs just couldn’t hold me, and then I really started pushing without even trying. I told her nurse and she said, “Let’s not have a baby in the toilet! Come on – back to the bed!”

9:25PM
The midwife checked me, and told me the news:

7 centimeters.

I MEAN COME ON. I literally couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know how my body could do it much longer – they were just so, SO intense. Mentally, it was so hard to hear. Then the midwife said,

“What if I broke your water? There’s no pressure to do so, but it might progress things for you. And I might have to break it 2 hours from now, or I could just break it for you now.”

I looked at Will and my sister, asking them what they thought. We weren’t really sure what would be best.

2 contractions later, I looked at the midwife and said, “YES. Break my water.” I couldn’t stand the thought of doing that for 2 more hours.

9:32PM
I felt my water break between contractions and thought “let’s see how this goes!” And then the next contraction came like a tidal wave.

I started losing my mind, grabbing my sister around the neck, shoving Will away (I’m sorry and I love you). I yelled “Jesus HELP ME” and began to cry out loudly. Then I let everyone know… “THE BABY’S COMING! IT’S COMING RIGHT NOW!!!”

“Ok let me check you” said the midwife, immediately followed by “YES the baby’s coming!”

I immediately went from 7cm to transition (10cm) and the baby’s head crowning, all in a matter of seconds. It was INSANE.

No one was ready! The midwife grabbed the giant light and shoved on a hospital gown as best as she could! The nurses flew into action, shoving a giant pad under my bum, doing their best to get everything in order before this sweet baby came.

I wasn’t even pushing. My body was doing everything, and I felt like I was on a wild ride. After a couple of minutes, they said “Look down! Your baby’s head is out!” I tried but my belly was still quite big so I couldn’t see anything!

The midwife looked at me, “I need you to push one time – one big push – to deliver the baby’s body.”

So that’s what I did. I gave one big push, and she looked at me and said the same thing my first doctor said when I delivered Milly:

“Reach down and grab your baby.”

9:38PM
I reached down and took hold of the incredible, miraculous tiny hot body and pulled my sweet baby right onto my chest.

And then I started laughing. Such joyous laughter! Just so overwhelming. I didn’t even cry – I just laughed and laughed. Will was crying, I was so relieved. I was thankful it was all over. I felt victorious, like God Himself had held my hand through it all. Because He had. And I felt Him laughing right there with me.

I held that baby so close, and I couldn’t believe that from the time my midwife broke my water to the time I had my baby in my arms was just 6 MINUTES. (We asked because we wanted to know how fast it happened!) Craziest 6 minutes of my entire life.

Will checked to see if it was a boy or a girl, and after one look he laughed and said, “It’s another GIRL!” We both were cracking up! Another girl!! Will comes from a family of boys, we knew Milly was a boy, and I had so many signs that pointed to “boy” with this baby it was hilarious that I was holding another girl. I was absolutely thrilled! My sister is my dearest and closest friend, so for Milly to have a sister was the greatest gift.

I was nervous, but when I asked the midwife if I tore at all, she said only a little! I only needed 4 stitches – a 1st degree internal tear! My heart was so overwhelmingly thankful in this moment, as you can imagine.

I hugged my mama, my sister, and Elizabeth goodnight. Having them all in the delivery room with me was so, so special. I had my sister go get us Cook Out (because DUH, I just had a baby and a burger and milkshake sounded perfect), and she returned at about 1am. Never in the history of ever has a cookout tray tasted so dang good.

Will and I relished in this sweet new little girl, and debated on her name overnight. We weren’t 100% sure when she was born, but by the morning we were proudly introducing her to our family and friends:

Our beautiful daughter, Lyndon Whitfield Ray.

And introducing her to her sister was a moment I will treasure in my heart for the rest of her life. Milly has wanted to touch her, kiss her, hold her, and snuggle her from the moment she entered our lives. Their little relationship is already off to the sweetest start.

I still have to pinch myself. TWO GIRLS.

And if you’re reading this, feeling afraid about childbirth, feeling unsure about God in it all, I hope you can see these truths in this story:

If you ask God for help, He will swiftly come.
His Love is greater and more powerful than any fear.

Beautiful pictures that we will treasure forever by Elizabeth Tate.

3:30PM on July 25th
I had just woken up from a nap. I was already on maternity leave, It was 4 days before my due date, and I had been chasing my 2 year old Milly around all morning. I felt mild cramps, and then they would subside. “Could this be it?” I laid there for 30 minutes, praying, timing the cramps, and begging God for help and His presence.

I texted Will, “Could you come up here please?”

A few minutes later, he was in the room. “I’ve been having cramps on and off for about 30 minutes. I think things are beginning.”

His eyes got big and he smiled. He leaned down and kissed me, and we both began to cry. “I thought we were ready for this,” he said smiling and laughing. Our emotions had both caught us a bit off guard, but that moment still remains one of the sweetest moments of my labor. The start of it all.

Before I continue, I’m going to give a bit of background, similar to how I did when I wrote Milly’s birth story. (Read Part 1and Part 2 of her amazing birth story, or just scroll down to the very bottom of Part 2 for a film that will make you cry for the brief version!) We decided to have a natural childbirth for both Milly and Lyndon, free of medication. I think every birth is beautiful and all mamas are heroes, no matter the way they come into the world! It is a deeply personal decision, and this was simply our decision.

For Milly’s birth, we prepared with lots of knowledge. We took Bradley Birth Classes (“Husband coached childbirth”), we read books, we memorized positions for labor and learned all about the woman’s body in labor and delivery. I’m not going to lie – it was a really hard labor and delivery for me. While I had the natural birth I desired, I also had to go into surgery immediately after birth because I tore internally (somewhere around 60 stitches – the doc lost count.) Recovery was hard and long. I couldn’t sit comfortably for 2-3 months. I also had some intense anxiety after having Milly, for weeks. All of that to say, I battled fear for much of my pregnancy with Baby Ray #2.

For Lyndon’s birth, it became clear to me that I had to prepare spiritually. I knew what my body would do, I knew the techniques. But I knew fear, and I knew that the fear had to go. All I could think of was the incredible pain, the giant emotions and tears the days following Milly’s birth, the pain of healing, the fear of tearing again and having to go into surgery.

It was about 2 months before my due date when the Lord began gently leading me through this process of ridding myself of this enormous fear and concern I had in my heart…

– I sing on the worship team at my church, and one Sunday morning (as I was very pregnant and leading worship – quite the sight I’m sure,) I saw a picture of myself laughing while I was in labor. It didn’t make sense to me, because I equated labor with pain and tears, so I knew it had to be from the Lord! I simply received the vision and asked the Lord for this to really happen.

I decided to memorize 3 verses to meditate on throughout the labor and delivery process, and those verses word for word began to form a new picture in my head of childbirth as well. (Those verses were Psalm 138:1-3 MSG, Psalm 27:1 MSG, and Isaiah 41:10).

– I read this blogpost by my friend Shaylyn. It honestly sealed the deal for me wanting another medication free birth.

– When Will and I went to our quarterly marriage counseling session, (which we highly recommend for all married couples!), I told our counselor about my fear. His answer was profound and so helpful. He said of all the people he’s counseled through different traumas in life, the ones who returned to normal life were the ones who were able to go to that quiet place of worship in their hearts on a regular basis. Healing happens when we enter God’s presence, and He encouraged me to take the time to really worship God in the quiet place in my heart throughout labor and delivery. Looking back, that made all the difference.

– Not too long after that, someone recommended the book “Supernatural Childbirth,” so I bought it and began to read it. I’m going to be honest – it was super challenging to my faith! Many testimonies in that book claim pain-free births (what the what!?), and that was so hard for me to fathom. But my faith grew with the scripture and testimonies, and I began praying the prayers in the back of the book. (Those prayers alone are worth the purchase of the book easy!)

– Will encouraged me to listen to John Piper’s Sermon “Fear Not, I am with you, I am your God.” Isaiah 41:10 was a verse I meditated on to carry me through. I vividly remember the day I listened to that sermon while folding laundry – just a week or so before I went into labor.

All of that to say, when labor began, I immediately began to pray. I put on worship music (listen to my labor and deliver playlist on Spotify). I cried out to God for help, and He showed up in a big way.

So back to the day of…

After that nap I went about life as usual. We had our friends Robert and Elizabeth over for dinner (Yes, Elizabeth on the NRP team!), because why not? I wasn’t in active labor – just early labor. And we all needed to eat and had plenty of food. I’ll never forget that dinner: Salmon, brussels, and sweet potatoes. SO good.

I made the statement, “I’d love to get a good night’s sleep, then for things to really pick up tomorrow!” Thankfully, that’s what happened!

We called my mom and sister (aka Sissy), and they caught a plane from Nashville, arriving at Midnight! I awoke around 2am, went downstairs to find my mom and sister asleep on our couch, and talked with them. My contractions had subsided, so I wondered if I was really even in labor any more. I headed back upstairs and fell asleep again around 4am.

The next morning was all hustle and bustle! The cleaning lady came and started to work on our house, Callie and Olivia came to pack up everything in the studio and move out for a month, my sister and mom were there, Will dropped Winston off at the neighbor’s house, I finished packing my hospital bags, and the mild contractions returned and were more regular. I ate a big breakfast and a big lunch, all the while knowing that these contractions were slowly getting more intense.

Will, Milly and I went on a walk. It was perfect. The time alone with them, especially with Milly, was just what my heart needed. It was the last time we spent time as a family of 3, and it kept me active. I’ll never forget the breeze and sunshine on my skin between contractions, and how sweet Milly was. I’ll never forget the picture of her running down the sidewalk in front of me, as I walked hand in hand with her Daddy.

2:00PM on July 26th
I laid down on the bed to rest and hopefully sleep. I put on worship music and rested, but no sleep came. By 3:30pm, I had been having mild, crampy contractions for 24 hours. I asked Will to make me a smoothie, which is when everything changed.

4:00PM
He returned to my side, smoothie in hand, and I began to cry. Psalm 43 played on the phone by Jenny and Tyler, and the tears came. This was IT. These contractions were intense. There was no turning back, and I knew it was time to press into the Lord because this baby was coming.

“I can’t eat anything. I don’t want the smoothie anymore. And I want someone with me.” I said that through the tears, explaining I was crying because that song was exactly what I needed in that moment.

My sister and Will took turns being by my side. Sissy encouraged me to sing worship through my difficult contractions, and that is what really helped me get through them. I headed downstairs to labor a bit more in the living room, and to spend some time with Milly before I had to say goodbye.

Elizabeth came to begin photographing, and Milly stayed right by my side. She would rub my back and say “Good job mama!” I of course would begin crying at her sweetness. She would also run around like a normal 2 year old and play. I think she knew something was going on, but she didn’t know what. I’ll never forget having some really intense contractions, then opening my eyes afterwards and her little face was right there in front of mine, smiling. Her eyes staring straight into mine. She reminded me so vividly of the joy that was to come – having her there was so sweet.

It came time to tell Milly goodbye, and I hugged her so, so tightly. I began crying so much, knowing it as the end and the beginning of wonderful seasons in our family. “Mommy loves you so, so much.” Is all I could say as I let the tears come. It was hard to communicate in that moment how much love I have for her, how precious she is to me, but I hope she felt it as deeply as I did. Grammy (Will’s mom) picked her up and off they went to Grammy’s house.

Sissy guided me through different positions to try, and things kept intensifying. My legs began to shake like crazy, which is exactly what happened during Milly’s labor just before we went to the hospital! My husband called the hospital, and the midwife on call highly encouraged him to come on in when he explained the signs of labor. I knew it my heart – it was time to go.

I finally told Mom, Sissy and Will that I felt like it was time to go. After talking it through, we all agreed, and we began making our way to the car. I had 3 good contractions in the foyer while everyone else loaded up, then I got in the car with Will.

Let me just tell you: that drive to the hospital is like a dream. I only remember parts of it. Also, we have wayyyy to many roundabouts in our neighborhood. Those were the worst! And they chose the most inconvenient time to pave the road outside of our neighborhood – the day we were driving to the hospital. Will cut through some construction cones to get me into the hospital! It was quite comical.

Part Two coming tomorrow… stay tuned!