You guys.

WE DID IT.

3 months of no shopping for anything “extra!” No clothes, no decor, no nothin’ unless it was an absolute NEED. This was my 6th time doing the Contentment Challenge, and it, as always, taught me so much about myself.

This time, it was way less about stuff or me.

The first three months of this year were marked with sickness, frustration, lack of child care, and an all around feeling that every time I made a plan, they would get cancelled. YES, that was the theme of my life for 3 months BEFORE this Covid-19 craziness started happening. God is teaching me to dig in deep right where I am. This fast from shopping is like a jump start to get through the top, artificial layers to what is really happening beneath the surface. I think it’s weird and wild that we can medicate so easily with purchasing things to make us feel better. It’s been quite eye opening for me. Here’s a quick recap of what I learned this time around.

Month One

There is always a detox period in the first month - 2 weeks of stopping my thumb from the habit of going to Amazon, shopping at grocery stores instead of Target, or ONLY placing pick up orders at Target if I can help it. It’s a simple changing of habits, but it’s GOOD and eye opening. You would think I might not need a detox after doing this for 6 times, but it’s pretty remarkable how easily it is to form those shopping habits quickly when you return back to “normal.”

Month Two

This is where it started to get real. My struggle with contentment didn’t lie in the “not getting stuff” when I wanted it. For some context, I had planned to work 1 day a week this year. I had some exciting projects and podcast interviews and ideas I was excited to flesh out - not to mention some time to exercise, get outside, and be alone - to have a simple break from the 3 tiny children who I love so dearly who demand every bit of my attention from 7am until 7:30pm every single day. This felt like a healthy place for me this year.

8 weeks into the year would have equaled 8 “freedom days” as I named them : days for my sanity, for my health, for my work. And our childcare only worked 4 of them. There was one stretch in February where I went 3 weeks without any childcare due to our sitter being sick, Milly getting the flu, and me being sick.

Being chronically sick has been incredibly defeating - physically (it’s borderline debilitating to take care of 3 kids when you have flu like symptoms and no one wants to be near your house and your husband is working and two of the kids are sick too) and emotionally (I broke down crying on the reg). It was a hard, dark season.

Enter: contentment. This time around, I struggled to find my contentment in those placed. I learned how to express my anger, how to lose my mind a little bit when I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, how to dig deeper into being content right where I was when all my expectations of a good rhythm and fulfilling work and a healthy year were taken from me week after week after week.

But I dug. I thought about all the things I was thankful for in the midst of the hard and the anger. I was so grateful that Will was so helpful, that Sammy Jo kept the podcast going, that every morning the sun rose again. I was thankful for a warm bed and doctors and medicine and grandparents showing up with face masks and gloves and food. It was a hard month, but learning to be content in a season I did not ask for was not what I expected this time around.

Month Three

Well, you know where we all stand now. Month three is this crazy month in the history of our world that we’ve never seen before. Talk about cancelled plans and sickness! I honestly have felt like the entire world has joined me in what my winter already looked like : sickness, isolation, loneliness. But I’m also getting used to looking for the good in all of it. The sickness in our own household is lifting, slowly but surely. I’m seeing the beauty of making memories as our little family - just the 5 of us, together. And more than ever, I’m realizing that stuff is not what the good stuff of life is made of. It always was and always will be the relationships of those around us.

Here’s my philosophy on birthday parties (and parties in general): the more babies I have, the more simple it has to be!

If you’d rather listen to my thoughts, I actually created an entire podcast episode on this exact topic: Listen to Episode 063: Joy-filled Birthdays!

That philosophy has been born out of necessity, but I’m actually growing very comfortable and proud of the fact that I’m not a “Pinterest Perfect” mom. I’m just doing my thing, and I’m very happy with that.

Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE birthday parties. They were big in my house growing up, and I love running with a creative idea! But I’m also very at peace with just letting them be what they are. A few weeks ago when Lyndon turned two, I settled on the theme “Donuts and Dinosaurs!” (She adores both!) We grabbed a few boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts, bought two bags of plastic dinosaurs, bought plenty of snacks, and headed to a park.

(Funny story: Originally I planned to do a dinosaur excavation, aka “throw the toy dinosaurs into the sandbox and let the kids dig,” but when we arrived the sandbox was no where to be found because I was thinking of a different park in my mind, ha!)

All in all, it was simple and great. For each child’s FIRST birthday, I love making it a big deal : Paper Invitations from Minted, inviting everyone, decorating big. After that, I swear by Paperless Post and keeping it simple. I look forward to doing bigger parties / experiences for milestone birthdays, but being the mama who pulls it all together, I gotta think about what’s going to keep me sane!

Here are a few tips to keeping birthdays simple, sincere and special!

1. Use Paperless Post!

   This is my favorite party planning tool. I keep my address book curated and limited to our dearest and closest friends, and I use it for every birthday party. They have amazing, free, customizable options for invitations. It’s easy to manage, to send invite reminders, and to glance and know how many people are coming. You can even send email blasts easily, and I prefer their interface to Evite or other online invitation companies. It’s so helpful!

2. Ask a friend or family member to take pictures and video during the birthday song

   Make up your mind ahead of time to be present, to literally stare at your child and enjoy the wonder in their eyes. It’s much better to see them IRL instead of looking at them through a screen. I’ve done both :)

3. Take it a year at a time, a kid at a time

   Ask yourself these questions: What do they love? What season of life are we in? What is going to stress me out the least and allow me to feel present?

4. Consider milestone traditions

   Think about what you could do with each kid as they turn 1, 5, 10, 16, 18, and 21! We are dreaming of this now, and here are a few that we’ve come up with : some that we’ve borrowed from friends!

   1. One - Big Party at Home

   2. Five - Disney World Trip or a night away in a hotel with just Mom and Dad, sharing a King bed (something we don’t let our kids do at home but would feel so special to them!)

   3. Ten - Trip somewhere in the US, either as a family, or a Daddy-son / Mama-daughter trip

   4. Sixteen - NYC trip to experience broadway, shopping, food, Time Square, etc

   5. Twenty One - International Trip as a family

Obviously these take a lot of planning ahead, and might seem to be the opposite of simple. But keep in mind - I’m talking about keeping most birthdays simple, and focusing more on the traditions with the other trips.

I’d love to hear from you! Do you have any birthday party planning tips, ideas, or traditions? Our oldest is just turned 5, so we are getting excited to begin milestone birthdays!

Covid Part 6: How about some Social Media Distancing?

Update: We have now been ordered to “Shelter in place” - to stay home unless purchasing necessities for 6 WHOLE WEEKS.

The better part of our spring, the last of our school year. No finality to thing, just being home. Together.

The week before all of this, I took 8 days off Instagram. I do this every month, once a month - I’ll go dark for 7 or 8 days whenever I feel the nudge from the Holy Spirit “It’s time.” I do it unannounced. It feels good and it a healthy rhythm for me.

This time, it just so happened to be the week everything escalated. And I was just fine as the world got a little panicked.

But then I signed back on, and it was Covid-19 this and Covid-19 that and hilarious  memes and deep thoughts and “buy my thing got cancelled!” and “now’s your time” and “rest and don’t do anything” and “clean out your house” and “get in shape at home” all these different messages flying at my eyes and I didn’t know how to sort it all out. 

THEN I went to the grocery store and literally saw no meat, no bread, hardly any chips, and two people wearing face masks and gloves. I felt this sense of scarcity - I needed to grab it all while I could. 

The social media paired with the grocery trip and and difficult text from a friend made my anxiety skyrocket. It wasn’t one thing or the other - it was all the things. But I FELT it. 

Then, I happened to get on an Instagram live by Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church and he talked about Faith and Fear and how Faith and Fear are both products of our FOCUS.

BOOM.

What had I been focusing on for 8 days? My home, the Lord, my family, myself, my work. Then it shifted, and in one day, my focus was on this world crisis and a lot of other peoples problems and it all felt so heavy. 

I’m here to tell you, you don’t have control of a lot of things. But you can turn off your little app. You can quit instagram or facebook for a while. The world keeps going, I promise, but your anxiety doesn’t have to. Because it does contribute, and I find it so refreshing to take off 1 week from social media every month.

Does my “presence” fail? Sure. Does it hurt my “work” because I’m not “consistent?” Probably, but I haven’t been super consistent in months and I don’t really care any more. I’m learning my brain and my life at home are way more important to me than the social media game.

I encourage you to try it. Be uncomfortable and say goodbye for a week and see what happens. 

PS. I am in no way an instagram expert and have no experience in “how to grow your following” other than showing up and sharing my heart. It might hurt your insta strategy, but I’m after your heart. I don’t care quite as much about that other stuff. :)